Hey, you must be Emily's brother -- Max Gail
Around here, we want to know what Emily Gail has been up to. In the rest of the country, they're more curious about her brother.
Actor Max Gail, 66, played Det. Stan (Wojo) Wojeciehowicz in the classic sitcom "Barney Miller." According to Emily, 62, he spent most of his 50s running a non-profit, then decided he'd best get back in front of the camera and bank some cash.
He most recently appeared in six episodes of the Jay Mohr comedy "Gary Unmarried" as Jack, an aging hippie. (From Emily: "He's had a lot of practice at it.")
Emily likes to quote her brother's description of Detroit. "It's a big enough city that it makes a difference in the world," he says, "and a small enough city that you can make a difference there."
One way Monica Conyers might be worth the money
Reality, shame and perspective rarely intrude on Monica Conyers' existence, so it's no surprise that the noted criminal and Detroit City Council member made her usual community access television appearance today.
Conyers pleaded guilty Friday to conspiracy to commit bribery and should soon be the problem of the prison system. Under the terms of her typically bizarre resignation, she remains our problem until July 6, which should give her plenty of time to make off with 3-to-5-years' worth of office supplies.
At one point in "Ask the Councilwoman with Monica Conyers," she threw her support to incumbents JoAnn Watson and Martha Reeves and candidate Fred Hall for the upcoming council primary.
I can't say that's an endorsement I'd be eager to get. Come to think of it, knowing that Conyers is for sale and that you can buy her for less than the cost of a 2003 Ford Focus, I'd be inclined to pay her to come out in favor of someone else.
Michael Jackson has moved on, but what about Bubbles?
Heaven knows why, but every time I saw a Michael Jackson headline over the weekend, I found myself wondering about Bubbles the chimp. So I looked him up.
For a while, Bubbles appeared to be Jackson's best friend, which was sort of sad for both of them. Jackson had adopted the 3-year-old from a cancer research center in Texas in 1985, and they were bosom pals until 2003, when Bubbles' increasingly aggressive behavior made him a potential threat to Jackson's third real child, Prince Michael II. You wouldn't want a chimp dangling a baby over a hotel balcony or anything dangerous like that.
Oh, stop groaning. Like a friend of mine said when he caught the video again the other day, when you see it before you have kids, it just seems stupid. After you have kids, you're outraged.
Anyway, piecing together information from a somewhat defensive entry on Wikipedia and a few other sources, it appears that Bubbles has been relocated to the compound of an animal trainer named Bob Dunn in Sylmar, Calif. He's 26 and living like a wild animal, as opposed to dressing in costumes, wearing a diaper and sharing the bathroom of an internationally famous musician.
A tabloid report from 2003 claimed that Bubbles had tried to commit suicide, but details are sadly wanting even as the mental pictures dance. Did he use his superior primate strength to rip the door from a medicine cabinet?
Chimpanzees can live to age 60 in captivity, so you can anticipate further Bubbles updates until 2042.
Let the Michael Jackson buyer beware
Trust me on this: The New York Times printed lots of newspapers today. Chances are you can find one at your local bookstore for less than $5. But on eBay, the high bid right now for a copy of the issue with Michael Jackson's death as a front page story is $46.05.
The buzzards started circling yesterday even before the announcement that Jackson had died. It always happens that way. With Jackson, it's posters and CDs flooding the online marketplace. With Dale Earnhardt Sr., it was autographed tires.
I'm sure most of the 15,871 listings that turn up this morning under "Michael Jackson" are legitimate, if overpriced. I'm equally sure that many are illegitimate and overpriced.
Here's one that's just stupid: The rights to the domain name MichaelJacksonPerished.com. I can't imagine anyone would think to click on it, but for now, it's only $1.25.
One item that sounded alarms last night has been buried beneath so much new material that I can't find it. The seller was promoting it as a signed photo, but if you read the description carefully and decoded the deliberately confusing terminology, it was actually a copy of a signed photo. If the seller has an unlimited supply, you don't want one.
Another piece I'd avoid, even if I was inclined to spend $20,000 on a Michael Jackson item instead of, say, a new Chevrolet, is an alleged signed self-portrait.
Maybe Jackson really did sketch himself, then doodle on the sketch and sign it. That's the masterpiece, up there in the right-hand corner of this post.
"Drawings done by Picasso, Dali, and Chagall can sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars," points out the seller, who operates out of Plainview, N.Y. "There are many drawings of them and very few ever offered by the late Michael Jackson."
True, mostly because they were artists and he was a singer. Artwork by people without any particular talent in that realm is not generally a stellar investment. But setting aside the merits of the object, consider the seller's feedback.
After every eBay transaction, the buyer and the seller have the opportunity to rate one another. It's a way to weed out unreliable buyers and unprincipled sellers. Sometimes you'll see a seller with thousands of transactions and complaints numbering only in the single digits, which lets you know you're dealing with someone reputable.
Buysignedstuff1803, the owner of the self-portrait, may in fact be a swell guy, and this piece of merchandise may in fact be worth every penny. But in the last month alone, he's been slammed by three buyers unsatisfied with their purchases.
From the lucky winner of a "Thelma and Louise" photo: "GAVE SELLER OVER MONTH TO MAKE RIGHT BUT KEEPS PUTTING ME OFF! EBAY NOTIFIED NOW."
Regarding a Clayton Moore "Lone Ranger" item: "BEWARE! SELLER DIDNT SEND COMPLETE ORDER! IS NOW GIVING ME THE RUNAROUND! THEIF!"
And with a publicity still of Lauren Bacall and Robert Stack: "BEWARE! SELLER INTENTIONALLY KEPT PART OF ORDER! ADMITTED IT & NOT FIXING IT!"
Somehow I'm not filled with confidence.
The king of schlock (eBay) and the King of Pop (Jackson)
That didn't take long. By 6:12 p.m. EDT, someone called Beavinsons in Montpelier, Vt., was selling "God Bless Michael Jackson" window decals on eBay.
The price is $2.99, postage and handling included. Buy three or more and Mr. or Ms. Beavinsons will double your order, no charge.
Mrs. Robinson and her son the criminal
Attempted rape is not the same as cheating on a chemistry test.
In Eastpointe today, 19-year-old Michael Thomas Robinson was sentenced to 1-to-15-years for criminal sexual conduct and home invasion.
He connected with a 16-year-old girl on Facebook and ultimately paid a visit to her home in Clinton Township. The next day, he came back, pushed her to the ground and tried to rape her.
Robinson, who pleaded guilty and told the judge he wanted to "apologize for my actions," was already on probation for domestic violence at the time of the attack.
After the sentencing, his mother told our Christine Ferretti that her baby "made the wrong decision."
"Teens have to go through something," she said, "to learn something."
Really? After a criminal conviction for beating your girlfriend, you have to learn through trial and error that sexual assault is a felony and a generally bad idea?
I'm sure it's a difficult time for Mrs. Robinson, and I sympathize. But if any of this is truly news to Michael, some basic lessons didn't quite get taught when they were supposed to.
Magic Johnson, magical indeed
Magic Johnson delayed a Hawaiian vacation to attend the Cass Community Social Services fireworks party Wednesday night. He flew off before dark with several hundred new friends and fewer courtside seats.
CCSS' annual fireworks fundraiser takes place in the best possible spot: Coach Insignia, the glass-walled restaurant atop the tallest tower of the Renaissance Center. By way of full disclosure, my wife's public relations company represents both the restaurant and Cass, which we've also both been known to volunteer with.
Among the things that make the party and the venue unique: Great food at a strolling buffet, including lobster corn dogs, scallops the size of hockey pucks and rack of lamb. An open bar. Fireworks at eye level. And, most important, air conditioning.
This year there was also Johnson, who may have been even cooler than the A/C. He shook hands, posed for pictures, signed autographs and was fundamentally gracious. Then he grabbed a microphone and offered up an auction item.
The prize: Signed replica jerseys from his days with Michigan State University and the Los Angeles Lakers. And his courtside seat for a Lakers game. And four seats a few rows behind that one. And, he said, if he's in town on the date of whichever game the winner chooses, dinner with him.
When the bidding hit $5,500, he stopped. Tell you what, he told the two competitors -- if you'll each pony up $5,500, you'll receive identical packages. They agreed ... and then four other people said heck, let me in on this.
OK, Johnson said.
If you're keeping score at home, that's $33,000 to support the good works of CCSS, which deals with homeless families, mentally impaired adults, mentally ill homeless men, and assorted other people who generally get ignored.
Johnson conceded that he has plenty of jerseys. As for the courtside seats next to Dyan Cannon and the other tickets, he said, "I'm just glad there's 41 home games."
Reader is on target about Detroit's demolition priorities
Reacting to today's column about demolishing Tiger Stadium while so many more deserving targets stand ignored, Tony Wagoner of Harper Woods crystallized the issue in just two paragraphs.
"I'm 55 years old," he wrote, "and in average health. I don't expect to live long enough to ever see the City of Detroit find a commercial developer who will finish a project on a big empty lot at Michigan and Trumbull. But the long odds of successfully reviving that corner would have been better if the developer had a historic facade and shell of a famous sports stadium to work into their plan.
"I am not aware of any frozen bodies being found in the ice at abandoned Tiger Stadium or young girls being grabbed there on the way to high school. I do know that I could parachute into any ZIP code in Detroit and within one hour walking find a dozen more dangerous buildings or vacant pieces of land than that old ballpark."
The $10,000 Detroit video, and the familiar voice you hear on it
As long as I mentioned Visit Detroit's promotional video contest in today's column, I should at least show you the $10,000 winner, right?
Yeah. It made sense to me, too.
The winner was announced two years ago today, coincidentally, and the check went to 33-year-old David Rumble of Warren, who would now be 35-year-old David Rumble of most anyplace he feels like living. He said he was going to share the prize with co-producer Brian Kaurich of Sterling Heights, and also credited Jennifer Bilski of Roseville with helping edit the piece.
The narration was provided by former Detroit mayor Jerome Cavanagh, who died in 1979. In another coincidence, I wrote last month about the film Rumble borrowed Cavanagh's voice from -- a promotional video created in 1965 as part of Detroit's pitch for the '68 Olympics.
As you'll see if you follow the link to Positively Cleveland's video contest winners, theirs are more hastily made and less polished. That's what happens when you only give people two weeks, and you don't give someone $10,000.
There's an earnestness to them that I'd love to see in another contest from Visit Detroit -- though as I wrote today, it's easy for me to suggest more work for other people who are already working hard. If I were Visit Detroit, I'd tell me to shut up.
What happens in Vegas ... and Zephyr Cove?
Having lived in Nevada, I can't say either of these stories surprises me -- not the increasingly convoluted tale of a a family values senator's affair with an employee, and not the one with the headline that reads, "Nevada students find naked man tied to a rock."
Not all the cheap entertainment out there was in the casino lounges.
