Category: Parental judgment
Posted by Rachael Isaacson on Tue, Oct 20, 2009 at 10:49 AMMoms should stop judging, start supporting each other
Have you ever hear of the Mommy Wars?
I honestly didn't know that such a line-in-the-sand, judgmental and sometimes volatile medium existed in motherhood. That is until I joined forces with other mothers looking to connect online. Then I found the ugliness.
These cliques just don't exist in my everyday life. All of my friends parent a little differently and it is just not something we waste our time analyzing. Our kids play, we talk and enjoy ourselves and life is good.
I would love to see mothers embracing one another and celebrate one another's successes. The judgment that goes on online is unreal. The working moms vs. stay-at-home moms, breastfeeding vs. formula and sleep choices are a few of the hot button issues women fight about.
Why are we fighting with each other? Motherhood is hard whether you work outside of the home or not. We all struggle, maybe in different ways, but struggle we do. We all want the best for our children.
With all of these cliques, I don't really fit in anywhere. I am a misfit, dabbling across many different parenting lines. I work full time, my family co-sleeps, I believe in extended nursing (my daughter is almost 2 and still breastfeeding). Because I work outside of the home, I am not quite hard-core enough for a lot of the breastfeeding/attached parenting groups. And co-sleeping and breastfeeding doesn't quite blend with the more mainstream working mom arena.
The beauty is, I really love it this way. I feel like I have picked the best from all parenting worlds and can identify with more women this way. I love the community of mothers and find it really sad when judgment and jealousy get in the way of sisterhood.
Comments
| Jump to bottom |
Moms should stop judging, start supporting each other
I still feel like I'm being judged for choices I made during my pregnancy, and my daughter is 4! I was what society would call a "bad" mom - I work full-time and I didn't breastfeed AT ALL. I can deal with the people who think I'm a bad mom for sending my daughter to daycare, because I feel by being the bread-winner of the family (I'm an engineer, and my husband is a journalist), I'm setting a good example for my daughter that she can do/be anything she wants. What I can't deal with is the people who always look down on me for not breastfeeding, so I find the complaints of nursing moms to be hysterical. Sure, you may get a few dirty looks, but do people really come up to you and tell you that your method for feeding your kid is unnatural? I didn't think so. The other hot button topic I find among mom's is the number of kids they choose to have. My daughter is going to be an only child (add this to my list of sins), and I've had numerous people tell me that I'm depriving her of family bonds. I'd be depriving her more if I had more kids because I wouldn't have the time, energy, and let's face it, finances to provide for her the way I do now. As long as you can support all of the kids you have, I don't care how many you have.
Moms should stop judging, start supporting each other
I agree. Being a mom was supposed to be the reason why we all started connecting on the internet - not to judge parenting styles. We are all in this together.
Agree with Rachel
Rachel, I agree with you. Everyone has a different parenting style, it has to be what fits best with the parents, children and environment.
I have one daughter and I breastfed her for 11 months, I didn't want to stop but my milk stopped. I was proud I could manage that long.
She is 7 and on occasion still sleeps with us. She is a well developed and liked girl. She is active and I grow more proud of her every day.
I don't judge how people parent, sometimes I question who is in control (the parent or the child), but that is for that parent to handle. I only need to worry about my daughter and what is best for her and us as a family.
Those who choose to argue need to find something a little more productive to do with their time, supporting others would be a great start.
Fighting Moms
I disagree that women are only this way over the internet. I think women are worse when it's face to face. My daughter stopped breast feeding just before she turned 2. When she was still nursing I would get disgusted looks from people when they'd find out. Not just from people I didn't know but from friends and family also. I never let it bother me though, I knew it was right for our family.
| Jump to top |
