MichMoms Blog

Turn off the TV and open a book

Summer has always been my time to read strictly for pleasure. There is nothing better than reading a book that helps me escape my everyday life. Thankfully, my 12-year-old niece feels the same way.

Since school has been out, we’ve been making weekly trips to the library. Each evening we turn off the TV and various electronic gadgets and focus on reading. She’s an avid reader and on a rainy day she can devour an entire book. Recently, she decided she was going to re-read the “Twilight” book series. After she finished the first book, I decided to pick it up and read it myself.

I was pleased to discover what a quick and easy read it was, especially after a long, hectic day. But, the best part about reading this book is that my niece and I can discuss it in detail during dinner. She is thrilled that I decided to read something that she is interested in and I am happy because we are now able to connect on a new level. And, of course, as soon as I complete this first book, she’s looking forward to renting the movie together.

Naturally, I want to keep this new connection going. I have been thinking about books I enjoyed reading when I was her age so that I can pass them along to her.

If you have any book suggestions, please feel free to share them in this Blog.

Category: Family matters

How do you deal with no-shows?

I mentioned in an earlier blog post about how I was throwing a party for my daughter who just turned 1 year old this past weekend. Well, we went out to Metro Beach on Saturday and had a good time. We grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, played water balloon games and let the kids get wet in the Splash Zone. Let's not forget the ice cream and cake). The party was supposed to be from 3-5 p.m., but becasuse we didn't leave until 8:30 p.m., I’ll take that as saying everyone enjoyed hanging out with us at the beach. Everyone who showed up, that is.

Once we had set up our picnic site (I decided to forgo the $250 shelter rental) I sent everyone a text message about the best place to park and where we were on the beach. That text was followed by some responses from a couple of our co-workers who said that unfortunately they couldn't make it. That was fine. I appreciate those who at least told me something so I wouldn’t be worried about them not being able to find their way. What I did find disappointing is that certain members of the family didn’t show up after committing to help out at the party, and this was not their first offense. It kind of feels like one of those “shame on me” moments.

If they didn’t want to come to the family gathering, that was fine by me. But what I did not like is that people who said that they would help grill, or bring a dish or help load and unload the car not only were nowhere to be found, but didn't even have the common courtesy to call and say they were not coming. That’s not how I treat people, especially family.

So, my question is: Should I say something to these family members who pulled a no-show or should I just leave it alone? Also, should I not invite them to the next gathering I host or should I invite them with the assumption that they won’t show?

It takes a lot of time and effort to put a party together, and I do feel hurt that people didn’t take that into consideration. Because I won’t let their lack of courtesy taint the whole experience, I’ll just say that despite the small moments of frustration (not having enough hands to unload the car, not knowing how in the world to put the screen house up and people constantly calling my name) we had a blast and will definitely do it again, next time on a smaller scale. Sometimes I have to vent. Thanks for listening.

Category: Family matters

Watch it guys, this mom is ready to quit

Here is a little poem I came up with for all of us hard-working mommies who feel like we get no help around our house:

A Middle Aged Woman Who Lives In A House
A middle-ish aged woman
who lived in a house
with five bratty children
and an even brattier spouse.
To the meals they were fed,
each turned up their nose.
So she sent them hungry to bed
and refused to fold clothes.
Not a single kid cared
oh, the slobs that they are.
Leaving their stuff EVERYWHERE
throughout the house and the car.
And the brattier spouse ...
waaaaay too much he demanded
from his middle-ish aged wife
who was only TWO handed.
But what does Dad do
to help with HIS house?
Besides yell at the kids
and belittle his spouse?
Oh this middle-ish aged woman
who lives in a house ...
is SO sick of those children
and that ungrateful louse.
So listen up guys
the six of you twits
You can do it yourself
because this woman QUITS!!

Category: Teens

Mothers, don't let your babies grow up to be teenagers

I was on the pickup duty part of a carpool the other night.

My son and a few of his best friends were at, yet another, Bar Mitzvah. This one, however, to my immense relief, had no girls or dancing - which meant no grinding! It was at Game Works in Great Lakes Crossing of Auburn Hills, the perfect place for video game addicted boys.

But I digress.

I picked up my son and two of his friends. They piled into my car, strung out on too much caffeine and video games and smelling a little on the gamey side.

Suddenly, and quite randomly, my son's best friend exclaims, "My wall paper, it's just wrong!" The other boys starting giggling with their voices cracking.

"I didn't realize you had wallpaper in your room," I said. Because seriously, that's what I thought he was talking about. What can I say? Sometimes, I'm completely clueless.

My son snorted (All my children snort. They take after me.)

"Mom, the wallpaper on his cell phone. Duh. It's like a screensaver for your computer."

"Aha!" I exclaimed. That I understand.

"It's a picture of the crease," he explained, barely able to finish, the rest of his sentence broken up by chortling and snorting "of his elbow. With. A. Finger. In. It. And it just. Looks. WRONG."

The boys explode in fits of hysterical laughter.

"Oh, gee!" I exclaim.

"Give me a break, Mom. We're teenagers! What did you expect?"

Um, exactly that. Only, I just wasn't ready for it creeping up on me so fast!

Category: Loss

Use Jackson's death to teach kids about real music

I'm sitting here listening to the many chart toppers of Michael Jackson, who died suddenly Thursday, his song "Remember the Time" in particular. I loved that video. It was the one with the Egyptian theme and supermodel Iman and Eddie Murphy and Magic Johnson were in it. I had that dance routine down pact, just like every video he made.

Thinking about his songs and how we used to play them at every BBQ and family reunion makes me feel sad that our children of this generation don't have that. Who should our kids look up to? Music wise, they don't have what we had growing up. I can say it to my kids when they grow up, just like my mother can say it to me: "You don’t know music like I know music."

We live in a time in which the music our kids choose to listen to have parental warnings and "explicit lyrics" label plastered on the front of it. And no matter how hard we try, we still can't always make sure that what they download to their mp3 players is the radio version. In so many songs, it's the norm to talk about sex, money and other adult-related material. And we wonder why our kids grow up so fast.

Michael's music, on the other hand, was about feel good music. I can just think about the way his songs made me feel and I smile inside and out. And I can't help but laugh to myself when I think about the countless dance contests we had growing up where whoever broke out in the best moon walk, spin and then stood up on their tippy toes with the best flair won.

Despite the negative stories he has faced throughout the years, I respect Michael Jackson for his music and the legacy he has left for music lovers of all ages, genders and races. We all know that in life there must come death, but I'm glad that his music will live on and we can continue to have him be a part of our families' lives.

Category: Family matters

Having this baby was the perfect decision

I was riddled with guilt when I was pregnant with my third child. Excited and thrilled, but terrified and burdened, so unsure of this decision.

My children had just been dragged through a divorce a little more than two years earlier. They were uprooted from the only home they had known and moved around to four different residences. They were forced to live with a man who was not their father, maybe not even the person they would have chosen if given the choice. They were expected to happily share rooms with his children, who were strangers just a few months before.

My oldest child was so fragile emotionally, depressed, angry. My husband's son was filled with issues, too. I was so beyond troubled about the reaction that my pregnancy would illicit from the two boys. Would it break that thin strand that held them together?

Every night, while the house slept, I wept. I was so scared.

Heparin was a twice a day way of life for me as a preventative measure so there would be no repeat of my blood clot-ridden second pregnancy. I would lock myself into my room and inject a hope-filled needle into my bruised stomach. I sobbed for fear of dying and leaving my 4- and 6-year-old children motherless. They needed their mommy, who was selfishly in love with a man whose child she so desperately wanted to have - regardless of the risks.

I feared both sides of our families' reactions. Scorn. Shame. My parents had their worries over this pregnancy. His parents had their concerns, too. I wondered how accepted this unborn child would be by anyone - aside from the parents who made him from so much love.

I even considered mes - in the midnight stillness of the quiet house, shaking with silent, uncontrollable tears while my husband slept - termination. I did think about it, a lot, at the very beginning. Even though, in the very depths of my heart, I knew there was no way I could, or would, not ever.

But with this pregnancy there came so much turmoil within me and within our families. I just couldn't decide how truly worth it, already having four children who so desperately needed us, this pregnancy would be.

Then one morning, when I was around 13 weeks pregnant, I awoke to a fluttering in my stomach. It was the baby making himself known. It was then I knew no matter what that this baby wasn't going to be the cause of any turmoil, shame or guilt.

Almost six years later, as I watch him grow strong and proud, full of the all the love that I had predicted he would give and receive, I can finally let go of that guilt.

I can be excited and thrilled because it was the most perfect decision.

Category: Sports

Encourage the positives of youth sports

My younger son loves to play baseball and plays soccer, too, to keep active. He's not super competitive but has his moments when he gets really frustrated or angry about a bad call or a loss. My husband and I just want him to have fun and do his best. The winning and losing part doesn't matter as much to us (though it is more fun to win, right?).

We've had some really great coaches and some really lousy ones, too. Parents, too. We try to instill the positives in our kids and use those times when a coach or other parent loses their cool as teaching moments about how NOT to behave in that situation.

We also stress the positives, telling our son for example, how we liked how his coach talked calmly to the umpire about he thought was a bad call or how our son didn't gloat when his team creamed another one.

I think youth sports are great for making friends, learning teamwork and responsibility, dealing with disappointment and having fun while being active. But not all kids are into sports. So encouraging the same kinds of things in clubs or other youth activities is important, too.

How do you encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of youth sports?

Get tips on how to be a good youth sport coach and/or parent to help kids succeed on and off the field at ResponsibleSports.com.

Category: School

Why isn't spelling important anymore?

It is completely reasonable for a parent, or even society, to fully expect a middle school-aged kid to know how to spell basic words. Even ones a tad bit more complicated with more than a couple of syllables and some "i before e" type confusions.

Expected? Yes. Happening? Well, not so much.

I understand all kids have their strengths and weaknesses. I have five kids and each is special in his or her own way.

The one special child that kills me is my phonetic speller kid. She gets the best grades in the house and is exceptionally bright, but she can't spell her way out of any given Dr. Seuss book.

We can't push blame on just the parents and the school system isn't completely at fault either, I guess. But teachers, when you see a paper written with so many spelling and grammatical errors you just know a parent never reviewed it. So the mistakes are quite obviously all on that kid. How can you justify giving this paper anything above a C?

Spelling must count for something. After all, the letters make up words, which make up the body of the paper, right? When you see a payper and the werds are spelld the way thay sound that izn't rite.

How are these kids expected to get jobs when their resumes are going to be full of slaughtered words? Spell check will be totally useless because even it can't figure out what in the world those letters are forming.

How can my daughter be getting an A in English Language Arts when her English looks like some type of lost romance language without the romance?! She could care less that her spelling could cause the fall of civilized world as we know it because she figures her grades are great - 3.6 GPA, thank you very much. So why should it matter? It's doing a dishonorable injustice to that kid - and to society - by pushing kids like this along through school.

I'm not taking the fall for this. I happen to be an excellent speller and I expect the same from my kids.

So teachers, when you see poor spelling don't be afraid to use a red pen. Red pen are our friends. However, bad spellers in charge of our country in our golden years are not.

Category: Relationships

Jon & Kate's divorce hits home

So, it's finally out there, the big elephant in the room, Jon and Kate of the "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" show are divorcing. My niece and I have enjoyed watching this show since she came to live with me. Together, we watched these adorable little children with their huge, brown eyes grow up before us. My niece is a huge fan; she is able to tell each of the sextuplets apart, she knows all their names and can tell you interesting facts on all of them.

Most recently, she went to see Kate speak and was able to meet her briefly. She admired Kate and was impressed by her thoughtful parenting skills and her ability to manage the lives of eight children. So, naturally, when Jon and Kate announced they were divorcing, she was outwardly upset.

Suddenly, after what used to be our feel-good show, I was now consoling my niece and letting her know that Kate, Jon and the kids would be OK. But would they? Clearly, I can help to explain her parents' divorce, but, how do you explain someone else's divorce? Not, so easy.

Love or hate Jon and Kate, this was a family friendly show that was fun to watch without worrying about inappropriate language or behavior. It was our feel-good show that made us laugh out loud from our bellies. It was a show that symbolized the importance of being partners in a marriage and in raising children. For a 12-year-old girl, who is a product of divorce, this last show hit a little too close to home.

Category: Breast feeding

Breastfeeding and summertime are perfect match

Unless you are one of the rare few -- the bold moms I so admire -- the question of how to balance breastfeeding with summertime activities is bound to enter your mind.

Concerns like pools and leakage, family BBQs, trips to the park and going for a morning jog can have many modest moms cooped up in their home for the whole season. This is not only completely unnecessary, but wasteful! There is no reason to sit out the summer because being in public and breastfeeding are compatible. I promise.

Let's start with the family gatherings. If you are new to nursing in public this is absolutely perfect. You are breaking your nursing in public seal surrounded by friends and family. Once you are a nursing pro you will look back and feel silly at how awkward you felt feeding your baby outdoors.

If the thought of nursing around people still makes you a little uneasy start smaller. Go in your backyard in the morning, breath in that fresh air, nurse your little one and listen to the birds sing. I am telling you, that is peace and love, baby.

Another popular summertime spot is the public pool. This setting can be downright terrifying, especially for the new mom. There is just not a lot of modesty options when nursing in a bathing suit, so start with the comfort or your backyard or family BBQ if you have to. One key piece of advice I have, especially for at the pool, is that people are really not paying attention to you.

I always felt like when I was about to nurse a huge spotlight beamed directly down on me and everybody held their breath and stared, absolutely appalled at what I was about to do. In reality, the insecurity was all mine, nobody around me noticed or cared. So when you are at the pool nurse with pride and if somebody happens to notice all the better. You are helping change our culture for the better. And don't worry about the leakage, you won't be swimming around with a streak of milk in your wake, I swear.

Nursing in the summertime is beautiful, convenient and healthy. You don't have to carry around formula, bottles and sterile water. Food for your baby is always ready, always the perfect temperature and always perfectly mixed. And all this with zero clean up required. So enjoy your summer of breastfeeding, I know I will!