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After Cancer
Hi Jodi,
I think that everyone copes with their diagnosis differently, but I do believe that every survivor's psyche changes, inevitably, after they've gone through such an emotional and physical process. I am a much better person for having gone through the fight of my life - but I will never say that cancer was a gift. Cancer has changed my perspective and has helped give me clarity, a better focus on what really matters in life.
I was 38 years old when I was diagnosed, and I still felt too young to have cancer. I was Stage 2b, with cancer having also traveled into at least 2 of my lymph nodes. Pretty scary, to say the least, but still beatable. I had to undergo chemotherapy, two separate mastectomies, radiation, and breast reconstruction.
It is all a blur to me now. All I know is that to deal with this diagnosis, I had to think of my children and knew I had to fight with everything I had to stay alive for them. But, I also realized (being the eternal pessimist - or realist?) that cancer will do what it wants to do sometimes, no matter what you throw at it. So... I'm living life now just knowing that I did everything I could to kill this disease. I have to accept that whatever happens in the future is going to be alright. I always get antsy before another check-up. To be honest, I always turn into a raving b*tch whenever that time comes around.
The only method I've found to help me cope with that voice that's always there in the back of my head reminding me that I have/had cancer...is to convince myself that I put on my boxing gloves and fought with every fiber of muscle that I had within me to beat this monster. I did it for my children, for my husband, for my parents, for my friends, for myself. And I can live with that.
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