This breast cancer survivor is trapped in time
This weekend, I was spending time with my girlfriend and her friends. My friend is very proud of the fact that I am a breast cancer survivor, so I wasn't at the party more than five minutes when she wanted to share with everyone that I had survived breast cancer.
I did not mind my friend sharing my story. I think it is good for other women my age to hear it because, if nothing else, they might give themselves a self-examination more often.
My friend was one of the first people I told I had a lump I was getting checked out. She was there through everything I went through. As she was telling her friends my story, I could not believe all started almost two years ago. The whole time aspect really freaked me out. The "how old were you?" question really freaked me out because a part of me could not believe it had been two years. Time has absolutely flown! At 24 years old I bought my first house and got engaged. At 25, I got married. At age 26 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Age 27, I battled breast cancer. Now, at age 28, I have survived breast cancer.
Everything seems to have gone by so quickly, yet I still feel like I am a 26-year-old battling breast cancer. I almost feel trapped at that age. I probably feel this way because I am still going through surgeries for reconstruction.
I'm not sure when time will have lapsed enough that I won't think of myself as someone still battling breast cancer and just as someone who once was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know it is just a state of mind, however, my state of mind is not where I want it to be yet.
Why does time do tricks on the mind? At one moment, I feel like cancer was a just a quick blip on my life's radar screen and other times I feel like it is a milestone that I can't seem to move past.
How do other survivors feel? Has cancer trapped you at a certain point in your life or are you moving on free and clear?
Comments
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Trapped in Time
Good morning Jodie!
As my time has not been as long as yours, my 1 year of being diagnosed is coming up (8/28). I do understand however, what you are feeling.
I remember going through the period of feeling like I was camping out at the doctor's office, the cancer center or sleeping on the couch wondering "will this ever end?". And it did for a few weeks until my mastectomy...then I started all over again, wondering "will I get through this?". But as time passed, I began to feel better than wham...another surgery (implants).
It was my understanding that once the implants were put in, I would feel total relief. Well with said, some days I do and some days I don't.
As I feel great (most of the time), I still do have those thoughts and feelings of "when will I feel normal again?"
I do believe Jodie, that we all have the same feelings! You just feel like it has been a long road, very long road perhaps, with a lot of curves and bumps! One day, I know and believe, that we will all feel like a SURVIVOR and CAN and WILL share our stories to anyone who wants to listen:)
Hang in there girl! You are an awsome woman!!
PS - what did you decide on your implant style?
Caught in Time
I think the first few years are the worst. You get the news, you do the treatments, you see a zillion dr's and BC never leaves your mind. And if you do happen to shove it to the background, then it is time for another checkup and Bam, it hits you again. I have to say it gets better with time! I am now a nine year survivor, and after a year of treatments, 3 years of Tamoxifen and 5 years of Aromasin, I am done with everything and have been released by my oncologist. In a way it seems weird to not be doing something to make sure the cancer does not return, but it is also great to know the odds are in my favor of it never returning. I think once you get done with the reconstruction, you will feel like you have moved on. Every step along the way moves you a little farther!
Good luck!
Sue
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