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Creating Lasting Memories
Larry, How right you are once again. All that you said reminds me most of Christmas time. For example, Christmas is highly commercialized nowadays, and all of the money spent on gifts and things for our kids when really they play with the item once and put it by the wayside. Sometimes the simplest things in life are what kids thrive on. I call it the "Hands On" time. Kids that have a strong support base from both parents, and a good solid core of values being taught to them don't get too caught up in material things. Don't get my wrong my son loves some of his toys and games, but he thrives on that one on one time we having throwing the football in the backyard, reading stories together, and just about anything that is more interpersonal. I too enjoy the time with my son, and it means alot to me now, because I realize as he gets older time and interests will be much different. So I say to cherish those moments with your children that Larry speaks of and hold them tight.
Shared parenting
Larry, you make some great, valid points. Kids DO need both parents, and it is very important that the frequency and duration of time with each parent be looked at more closely by the courts. Kids are resillient, loving, tough little things, and love can simply "Move mountains". The courts empower to a degree in a high conflict divorce or custody case "control". Its easier for the courts to give the cookie cutter parenting time to the non custodial parent. It is a proven fact that kids need more than just a few hours a week with the non custodial parent, which typically tends to be the father in most custody cases. This type of treatment is not what is best for any boy or girl, and the NC parent feels more like a "visitor" than anything else to their own children. I also see in high conflict custody matters (which I can personally attest to) parental alienation because the other parent knows how to work the system to their advantage, exploiting all of the flaws in the judicial system. Parents who use their kids as Pawns in a Chess Game with the other parent are only making it harder on the child in common, because they yearn and desire to be with the other parent. Its unfortunate that we live in a society where we have seen so many changes in law with Women's Right to Vote, Civil Rights Movement,but yet parents of either gender can't spend the the time they need with their children because of the limitations of family courts. The Shared Parenting time bill has been kicked around for years, and needs to be taken seriously. If we can't get legislators to take it seriosuly because it is easier for the state to dictate parenting, and make the other parent pay, then we will see no changes in this. It shouldnt have to be such an uphill battle especially for good fathers to get increased parenting time with their kids, and have to spend absorbent amounts of money in the process doing so.
Thanks for sharing your comments; your points are excellent and absolutely accurate.
Larry
Summertime
Larry, much agreed summertime is a great time, but with it can bring its own set of hectic schedules and norms. It is wonderful to have great weather, and partake in many of the summer activities such as swimming, baseball, and other outdoor leisurely activities. We should always try to afford our children the best possible opportunities no matter what season we are in. I being a teacher have always enjoyed the "summer's off" with my son Pierce. We do many things together in the summer we wouldnt usually do otherwise, but then again the perks of being a teacher I guess. Anyway, I believe in my heart that everyday should be used to the fullest to give our kids the best. We all know the winters stink here, but finding stimulating activities will help build a well rounded child in the long run :)
Well stated Jeff. Using teachable moments that come up to teach our children something they can use. Loving them through every season and modeling the sort of dedication and commitment that communicates they're worth our time and efforts creates a bond that will serve them for a life time. Pierce is a blessed child to have a dad like that in you.
Thanks for writing in and I hope we'll continue to hear from you.
Larry
Child IQ Higher
As an educator I see a plethora of different scenarios within my classroom, and quite sadly there are many (Over 50%) children that are being raised in single parent households. My direct observation is that most of the time academic achievement does increase when there is 2 parents in the household that are directly involved in raising their kids. There are many different variables that can affect this too. I do see self worth as being a major factor in a child's perception of themself and their academic standards. Children who have good self esteem and a good support base from home will typically do much better. I just wish the courts would stop running our lives like a business. You see this all the time, the people that make the biggest decisions in education are the furthest people away from what is actually going on in the classroom. In this case judges, court officials are the farthest away from what is actually going on with our families. We need to stop the courts "Big Brother" type of approach towards parenting and base our childrens' psychological needs on research, not business!
Parental Alienation
Brethren, We must be steadfast and hold our ground. We know Parental Alienation is alive and well, but it must be handled in a "Big Picture" approach. Although my case is quite an extreme measure and a classic case of Parental Alienation by Pierce's mother this may serve as a precedent to have some reform through the courts. We are dealing with a large beast (Courts) that have not taken this issue seriously to say the least. As MLK did through the Civil Rights Movement Parental Equality must be the next Civil Rights Movement. I consider myself a "Great Father" and have demonstrated through my actions that Fatherhood is an amazing thing. The way my son looks at me and looks up to me makes my heart melt. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my missing son, and that road I had to embark on to have him. Fellow advocates for parental equality we must unite and raise a peaceable awareness for the need for fathers as an important role in childrens' lives. It is time that we take a stand and let the world know that we will not let this treatment stand (courts). Our children depend upon us for love, guidance, and knowledge. The system is "big business" and when the courts run family law as a business, conflict is "king" and brings in big revenues. We need to urge congress to take this business approach away from the family courts for our childrens sake.
Parental Alienation
I want to personally thank Larry Herren a true scholar and gentleman for putting this blog together on behalf of my son Pierce. Larry I do appreciate your hard work and dedication to families! On a different note our system which was given to us by our forefathers has not been equitable through the years. If you look at all the movements in American History Woman's Suffrage, Civil rights etc you will see that there are flaws in the American Judicial System. I am Pierce's father and I advocate for Dads across America. Moms are the foundation of children. Children need both parents not one more than the other, it only comes into question when a man and woman have conflict, and due to the inequities in the judicial system some very crafty people can exploit its flaws. Even though I have many emotions of hurt, disappointment, and sadness that my son is (temporarily)gone I realize that through my case/ story about my son being taken by his mother unlawfully that I am a very strong individual. I am strong because of EVERYTHING that I have had to endure throughout this whole painstacking process in trying to prove to the courts that I am "good" enough to raise this child. My faith is strong in God and I pray that he is safe, and knows what the truth is. Pierce and I have a strong bond to one another and it has come because I give him 110% all the time. The child we share together is the apple of my eye, and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. He didn't pick his parents, and it is not his fault that his mother carries a hatred and animus towards me as well as the court system for not getting her way. I do agree with fellow bloggers that this is a recurring problem in society that must be taken seriously. So thank you for your warm thoughts and prayers fellow bloggers. On behalf of my son Pierce I thank you for your support.
Please see Channel 4 Web Link that aired on 10-1-08
http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/17602307/detail.html
Click the picture and video will play
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