MichDads Blog

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Larry Herren on Thu, Jul 9, 2009 at 2:59 PM

Summertime affords opportunities to create lifelong memories

"Summertime" and the living is easy. I love that song and all its title implies, but in reality it might ought to read that the living is still hectic. I'm grateful, for example, to have warm weather, but while my driveway is absent of snow, there remains grass to mow, household chores to attend to and the last time I checked, I don't have enough money to retire so I continue going to work.

Still, for my family summertime is somehow an easier fit in life. My son, like most children his age, prefers relaxing at home in the morning with cartoons or his favorite toys over hustling to get ready for a full day of school. Summertime seems to allow for a more carefree versatile day in general. "The cotton's high and the fish are jumping," I haven't picked cotton with D.J., yet, but we've sure enough enjoyed our time together fishing and we had a whole new experience with aquatic life in our recent fun-filled trip to New Orleans (thanks Uncle Bob!). Summer is wide open with outdoor concerts, sports and opportunities for riding bikes or countless other activities on and in the water.

I can hear my winter-worshiping buddies, even as I write this, calling me a wimp and reminding me that real "Michigan men" go snowmobiling or skiing and don't take their jackets out of the closet before the temperature dips below 30. They'll argue that ice fishing is every bit as thrilling as anything.

But it's all good. The most important thing is that we use the opportunities every season affords us to spend quality time with our children because like the song says, "One of these mornin's, you're gonna rise up singing. Then you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky."

D.J. will be 6 years old this month. I can see so many changes in him even just from last year at this time. He hasn't taken to the sky yet but he's spreading his wings a little more every day. When that day comes that he does "fly," it's my hope that I'll have created the sort of memories that will sustain him and bring a smile to his face that he'll want to share with others - in every season.

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Kevin OShea on Fri, Jun 5, 2009 at 9:13 AM

Schedule some fun into your summer

Last night my wife, Dr. Molly O'Shea, mentioned that she is writing one of her upcoming Detroit News blogs about the importance of unstructured time for children. Amen!

As faithful readers know, I'm a strong proponent of unstructured time as a way for kids to unwind, exercise, and imagine. After all, most of us grew up with gobs of unstructured time and look how terrific we turned out!

Seriously, I think it's important to make a distinction between leaving unstructured time for our children (vital) and scheduling our own time to make room for fun family activities (vital, too).

At the start of each summer I make a list of all the fun things I can do with my children during the loooong school break. I consult books on Michigan family activities (check them out at your local library) and I just noodle a bit, too. This is key for me because I don't want to hear the wail of "I'm so bored" and not have something quick to pull out. My list includes everything from going out for ice cream to camping in the backyard to visiting a dairy farm. With my list on the bulletin board I'm always ready to create some family magic. I'm also ready to let the kids know what cool things we have planned (so they can spend some time looking forward to them).

Give it a try (most activities are free) and I bet you'll have a great summer to remember once Labor Day rolls around.

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Chris Edwards on Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 12:19 AM

Is son's early exit from camp a failure?

Our 11-year-old son had spent every 4th of July holiday of his life Up North with his extended family, grandparents, cousins, etc. But last winter, he transitioned from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts, and soon after found out that Boy Scout camp Up North included the 4th of July. It's THE big thing in his troop's year, really the main reason for them as new scouts, and NOT to be missed. So when he got that news a few months back, I thought he'd struggle with it.

But he didn't. It all sounded like a lot of fun, and even though he'd never been away for more than an overnight at a friend's house, he said, "Sign me up." This spring, he did two weekend (two-night) camping trips and had little if any trouble with homesickness. So when the final chance to change his mind came several weeks ago, I made sure he knew the rest of the family would be gathering without him for the days before and on the 4th. He wasn't overjoyed, but said he wanted to go to camp because it was so important to the Scout experience.

As we helped him pack the night before he left for camp, my son fell apart. He couldn't stand the idea of missing the time with his family. I was one conflicted dad. My wife was a little less conflicted mom. She couldn't fathom forcing him to go when he dreaded missing his family tradition. I understood that totally, and selfishly, I really wanted him to come with us for our annual trip. But he'd made a commitment, his buddies were counting on him to be there (they were going to be homesick, too) and nothing had changed since he had to make his decision. I believed a real-life lesson on follow-through and persistence was bubbling to the surface.

After a lot of late-night marital discussion, we hit on a compromise. Before we sent him off to camp Sunday morning, we told him that because we'd be passing right by camp on our way to his grandparents' on Tuesday afternoon that if he absolutely couldn't stand it another minute after two days, call us and we'd pick him up. He seemed relieved and we at least didn't feel like we were sending him off to prison.

He called us and we picked him up. Although the adult leaders were polite and understanding, I picked up on the vibe that my son had failed.

We had a wonderful time with him the rest of the week and he reveled in his family time, seemingly unaffected by his premature evacuation from camp.

But his dad is left with lingering questions. Did he fail? Should we have given him that choice? Is it wrong/weird for an 11-year-old to be that close to his family? Should we even have sent him for two days? Were we right to make him pay us back a modest portion of the camp fee? Should he feel any shame when he sees his Scout buddies again? I honestly don't know the answers.

The rites of passage involved with spreading wings can be a huge jumble of emotions for parents and kids. But one size doesn't fit all and boys' transitions to young men can be so muddled. The Boys Scouts know it's best to be prepared. So why do I feel so clueless?

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Manny Lopez (The Detroit News) on Mon, Aug 27, 2007 at 11:18 AM

Don't be a beach bore

Moms often suggest things that dads don't necessarily want to do, especially as it relates to outings with the kids. They're usually right. The beach is one of those places for me. I get bored quickly.

The kids ease some of that and as Hugh O'Neill writes for MSN, it's all in how you approach it. He's exactly right. Kids remember the beach and they particularly remember having fun there with dad and mom. I do.

Apply that same perspective to all your outings and you'll create great memories down the road.

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Larry Herren on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 at 4:43 PM

It's more than just a vacation

Summers are always a busy time for me but this summer has been as busy, and fulfilling, as any I can remember. I'm grateful that I have been able to spend much of this summer with my son. We've actually had quite a time. I'm amazed at how much difference a year can make, how much he has grown from last year at this time and how much and how quickly he continues to grow.

Devon is pretty well traveled for 4 years old. He spent a second stint in Texas, which has become one of a few annual trips that we take. It's special to me because the primary purpose in taking this trip is to visit with my longtime best friend and his wife and the seven children they have between them.

Ed and I were best friends in childhood. When I was 14, his family moved to Texas and we made a pact at that time that we would never let distance negatively affect our friendship and that I would simply spend my summers in Texas -- and I did. Now my son is coming to know and appreciate the wide open sky and culture that I value as uniquely Texas. Even more importantly than that, he is experiencing what a tried-and-true friendship is, a 42-year example that he has in his "Uncle Ed" and me.

We also took a family vacation to one of my favorite places, Mackinac Island. This is another trip that has become an annual summer vacation. For my money, there is no place on earth that has any more charm or character.

The summer has also been filled with weekend BBQ's, fairs and festivals, bike rides, hikes and some time at the softball diamond where Dad is trying to experience a moment, or two, of glory that becomes more fleeting every year. It's OK, though, because it's not about my glory; I've had my day. My intent is to create memories and foundations from which my child can grow. I'm struck that with every activity we share, all of the travels and fun-filled adventures along the way, the most meaningful and telling results of our time together seems to be, in fact, the time itself. Love is exchanged and little life lessons are taught in the process of so many of the things we are doing. I marvel at how a child wants to emulate the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you ride a horse or a bike or, God help my son, the way his dad swings a baseball bat. That my son wants to emulate anything in me at all has deepened my understanding of what an awesome responsibility I have and what a sacred privilege it is to be a dad.

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 at 2:35 PM

It's More Than Just a Vacation

Summers are always a busy time for me but this summer has been as busy, and fulfilling, as any I can remember. I'm grateful that I have been able to spend much of this summer with my son. We've actually had quite a time and I'm amazed at how much difference a year can make, how much he has grown from last year at this time and how much and how quickly he continues to grow. Devon is pretty well traveled for 4 years old. He spent a second stint in Texas which has become one of a few annual trips that we take. It's special to me because the primary purpose in taking this trip is to visit with my long time best friend and his wife and the seven children they have between them. Ed and I were best friends in childhood. When I was 14, his family moved to Texas and we made a pact at that time that we would never let distance negatively affect our friendship and that I would simply spend my summers in Texas, and I did. And now my son is coming to know and appreciate the wide open sky and culture that I value as uniquely Texas. But even more importantly than that, he is experiencing what a tried and true friendship is, a 42 year example that he has in his "Uncle Ed" and I. We also took a family vacation to one of my favorite places, Mackinaw Island. This is another trip that has become an annual summer vacation and for my money, there is no place on earth that has any more charm or character. The summer has also been filled with weekend BBQ's, fairs and festivals, bike rides, hikes and some time at the softball diamond where dad is trying to experience a moment, or two, of glory that becomes more fleeting every year. But it's ok because it's not about my glory, I've had my day. My intent is to now create memories and foundations for my child to grow from. And I'm struck that with every activity we share, all of the travels and fun filled adventures along the way, the most meaningful and telling results of our time together seems to be, in fact, the time it self. The love that is exchanged and the little life lessons that are taught in the process of so many of the things we are doing. And that your child wants to emulate the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you ride a horse or a bike or God help my son, the way his dad swings a baseball bat, that my son wants to emulate anything in me at all has served to deepen my understanding of what an awesome responsibility I have and what a sacred privilege it is to be a dad.

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Chris Edwards on Tue, Jul 31, 2007 at 8:03 AM

I love how dads do it their way!

I've been lucky this summer to be able to visit several fairs, parades and parks, giving me the chance to take in lots of great sights and sounds (and smells, but that's a different blog). Three observations of dads stand out:

At an art fair, I saw a dad with his infant son in a Snugli (a cloth baby-on-your-chest carrier). I'm happy to say that's not too rare in 2007 America; what got me was that this dad had his 6 month-old facing out, so he/she could soak up the world. His baby's eyes were even wider that its smile. Most moms I see wearing a Baby Bjorn or similar face their babies inward, toward mom.

I watched another dad stroller his toddler into the quiet shade of a tree before the chaos of a parade. While dad was clueless that anyone was watching or listening, I heard him talk in long, full sentences, in a normal tone, explaining what was going to happen. (Think for a minute about how bizarre you first parade must look.) His boy may or may not have yet had his first birthday, but dad carried on lovingly, using instructive words and a measured tone. I didn't hear baby talk and I didn't see coddling.

Another young dad in a park followed his daughter's lead to a little play structure that looks like the skeleton of a geodesic dome. She was maybe 2 1/2, so her job in life was to start climbing. He backed off just a little, watched closely and let her climb. He offered a few bits of verbal advice and was there pretty quickly when she fell (not too far, but there were tears). Just before I jumped back on my bike for home, a mom and son (he was about 3) joined the fun on the playground. Even though he was bigger, she steered him deliberatelyaway from the metal monster and put him in a swing.

What really struck me was that all three of these guys were parenting the way dads often do -- their own way. Not better than moms, not worse, just different.

I'm sure babies like the comfort of facing a parent's chest in a Snugli sometimes, even need it. And the guy with the Snugli probably doesn't know or care about research showing dads are much more likely to purposefully expose their children to more new experiences, at any age.

I'm guessing the dad at the parade hasn't read research that a huge predictor of a child's vocabulary is how much its father talked to the youngster when he/she was a toddler. I imagine kids love to hear some baby talk at some point.

As for the guy who let his child take a chance and climb ... sure, she could have gotten hurt. And I bet he wouldn't have let her climb a 30-foot tree. But dads so often let their children, even push them if needed, to take risks, that it didn't surprise me at all. Of course we can hold them back very well, and need to often, but I think it's about our intstincts.

It made me take a minute to give thanks and honor the way men parent. I'm glad moms tend to mother the way they do; our children benift mightily from it. But I'm equally glad that we do some things our own way, because our kids are better off for it. Let's remind each other that just because we do things differently, that doesn't mean we need to change. We shouldn't, musn't, bend to a mother's style at all (even most) times. We are smart enough to decide what decision needs to be made, and our paternal instincts deserve recognition, respect and honor.

What do you think?

Category: Summer and kids

Posted by Mark Wilson on Mon, Jun 25, 2007 at 2:47 PM

Exercise kids' minds, not just their bodies

It is summer and many parents think of this as "down time" in terms of their children's learning. Some believe their children need this down time to allow their brains to rest and prepare for the next school year. Please don't fall into this trap.

In my years of working with fathers, I have learned that many dads appreciate a good sports analogy. So here I go: Does a major league ballplayer take the months off between seasons or does he participate in off-season conditioning? Does a good golfer, with the operative word being "good," take the winter off from golf or does he visit an indoor driving range to keep up on his game?

The brain is no different than any other part of our body. If we don't challenge it, it will not maximize its potential. Have you ever stopped working out for a prolonged period of time? If so, you know that the first workout, after your time off, can be brutal. You limp for a week, getting out of bed is painful in the morning and let's not even talk about putting on your shoes in the morning!

My point: Exercise your kids' minds. Over the summer, travel to educational places with your children. Locally, many lessons can be taught at The Henry Ford, the Detroit Zoo and the DIA. In addition, many local libraries have outstanding summer programs for children. Read with your children during the summer, even more than you would during the school year. Take walks and talk about the nature around you.

Learning does not stop with the school bell. Parents and teachers, as a team, educate children. As dads we need to step up our responsibilities during the summer months and take a more active role in educating our children.

Let's use this forum to share ideas. What fun and educational places have you found to spend time with your kids during the summer? How do you exercise the minds of your children?