MichDads Blog

Category: Kids activities

My kids' activity schedules are killing me!

When I was growing up, my brother and I seemed to have pretty balanced lives. I remember us riding our bikes in the summer with friends, hanging out at the park across the street from our house, going for the once-a-summer zoo or museum trip and a few other activities. Our parents didn't stress out about keeping us busy or safe, they just let us be kids and have fun.

Now that I'm a parent, things seem to have changed drastically. I constantly worry about predators at parks, stores, the Internet and even Little League. If my kids watch too much television, I make them turn it off and read a book or play in our backyard. Play dates with the kids of other like-minded friends seem to dominate the way our kids get to socialize. Last but not least, my kids' activity schedules are killing me. These activities seem to be every day and so structured that not even my linear brain can stand the tightness.

I often wonder if when my kids become adults, will they look back and think about their fun childhood memories or will they think, "Man, I'm glad to be an adult because those childhood activity schedules were killing me"? For example, when did going to the zoo more than a dozen times per summer become the norm? How about a week including the splash park, the zoo, a museum, gymnastics, baseball practice, rollerskating, a birthday party and cheerleading camp? After all of this "fun" they haven't even seen a next-door neighbor kid in a week.

I need help from those of you out there who are much smarter than I. Someone out there has the formula (or lack there of) that will help me get out of this summer rat race. I hope you are having a great summer; I'm out of breath.

Category: Kids activities

Things I could do without

In my last post I talked about taking the time to enjoy some of the more mundane activities involving kids because you never know when it might be for the last time. It was heartfelt and one of those "the time goes by so fast" reminders that we need when life gets a little too hectic.

Apparently, my children read this and decided to start filling my days with activities I would love to never partake in again. The type of things that make the experienced parent snicker at the overflowing excitement of soon-to-be parents who have no idea what they have truly gotten themselves in for. To share some of these activities with you I compiled a list of things that I would not shed a tear over if they were to never happen again:

* I wouldn't mind not knowing about anyone else's bodily functions: When you become a parent you are suddenly engrossed (and yes, I did mean to use that pun) with another person's secretions. While I am past the point of diapers with my children, my daily time spent revolving around toilet usage is still too much for me to be effective as a human being. This topic also refers to earwax, which I am fairly certain only exists so pediatricians can comment about how much there is in order to make me feel like less than an ideal parent. I never jump to my own defense sooner than when I am sitting in the doctor's office during one of my kids' checkups.

* I wouldn't mind not having to make sure other people are buckled in the car: All three of my children are either in booster seats or five-point harness sets. This means we have to actually plan time in our schedule to "get the kids loaded in the car."

* I wouldn't mind not requiring permission before I take a nap: This really extends past simply taking a nap and includes any time where one has to make sure the kids are accounted for prior to engaging in anything other than supervising the kids. As it is now, I can't take a nap, run to the bank or even go into the gas station without having to drag all my kids behind me or tag-teaming with my wife. When you have small kids someone always has to be "punched in and on duty" and that gets tiring after a while. When I do want to take a nap, I have to put in a request three weeks prior and if I sleep one minute over the allotted time, my wife kicks in the bedroom door like an overzealous SWAT team.

* I wouldn't mind not having to childproof the house: I will admit that the amount of childproofing dwindled a lot between when my son was born compared to how much we did when the girls were born. Like most parents we were over the top when it came to our first child. After learning that babies bounce we were more lenient with our second set. The childproofing we do now is not so much to protect our daughters from the dangers of our house as it is to protect our house from the dangers of our daughters. Scissors and markers go on the top shelf to curtail the impromptu dresses made from curtains or the living room wall murals.

I realize that once I become a grandparent it is quite likely that I will have to partake in these activities again. I might even recapture some of that soon-to-be parents' excitement when the time comes. At least then it won't be 24/7 and I can tag my kid's hand, switch places and head out of the ring for a much needed "no permission required" nap.

Category: Kids activities

The days are long, but the years are short

Do you ever take a moment when you are involved in some activity and think this might be the last time you do this with your kids? I don't mean in a, "This might be Grandma's last Christmas with us" sort of way. I am referring to the activities that simply lapse into memory with a, "No thanks, Dad. I can do it."

Usually the things that fill the gaps between the major events in our lives pass without much thought. But it is the day-in, day-out gestures that build the foundation for our kids with a feeling of constant support from their parents. Nighttime stories, bathtime fun or even holding hands while crossing the street can leave lasting impressions on a child.

I can't tell you the last time my mother pushed me on a swing and I am sure she couldn't either, but I remember how it felt. The feeling of her hands on my back as she asked if I wanted to go higher. The joy of finally being able to convince her to give me an underdog at the risk of her seriously injuring herself. It was times like this where she wasn't our mother, she was my mother.

Of course, I eventually put a stop to it because of my own desire for independence. At the time I wasn't thinking about any of that deep psychological stuff, I simply had growing up to do. I was on my way to becoming a big kid who didn't need his mommy to push him anymore, but it were those pushes that gave me the confidence to so.

Now I stand on the other side of the equation. My son is almost 8 and exerting his personal authority at the speed of light. What used to be three nighttime stories and seven lullabies is now replaced with, "Come on, I just want to go to bed." On the occasion that I get nostalgic and my son is in a rare giving mood, he'll let me return to the old routine, but this time it is: one story, one song. I'll take what I can get and I treasure it knowing it might be the last time.

Also, my daughters have recently turned 4 and I find myself living the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Their newfound capabilities are starting to limit the number of parental assistance requests I receive. While I enjoy being able to finally sit on a park bench for a change, I miss giving them the little extra lift they needed to make it across the monkey bars. One of the advantages of having twins is usually when one of them stops wanting my involvement that other one jumps at the chance for more time with Daddy. I've come to think of it as a two-minute warning system signaling the end of yet another bonding activity.

When it comes to kids the days are long, but the years are short. People talk about living in the now and there is no better time than when you are doing some mundane activity with your children. You never know when that last time might be happening right now.

I think I am going to go pick up my mom and find a swing somewhere that can handle a grown man. She recently had her knees replaced, so who knows, maybe I can even convince her to give me one last underdog.

Category: Kids activities

Why do pediatricians make us wait so much?

Our 9-year-old daughter caught a tennis racket in the face a few days ago and it wasn't pretty.

The pediatrician's office closest to our house didn't have the right kind of permabond to glue her back together, though the doctor on duty told us that the gash shouldn't need stitches. We just had to make an appointment at a different office for later in the afternoon. Our daughter was remarkably relieved to hear this news; she opened up her chin just over a year ago and needed nine stitches that day. Let's just say the stitches experience left a very bad taste in her mouth that she had no interest in repeating.

After waiting a couple of hours until our appointment time, our trip to the other office went pretty close to a script we've experienced before. We arrive about 10 minutes before appointment time, as requested. About 10 minutes after our appointment time, we are called into a room, where we wait for another 15 minutes before the doctor comes in. In this case, after looking at her cut for about 10 seconds, he told us she'd need a couple of stitches and left the room. I followed him out to tell him of her intense fear, and to make sure it wasn't a case that could go either way (since the other doctor had decided stitches weren't needed). He assured me stitches were the way to go, and I assured him that she was real scared. We then had to wait 25 minutes for him to return to the room to begin the procedure. During that time, our daughter got swallowed up by the dual monsters of anticipation and dread. By the time he came back in, she was crying and literally shaking from head to toe with fear. The actual procedure was even more painful for her (and dreadful to watch) than we had expected, but there was little anybody could have done about that.

Still, I was left wondering why she had to wait all that time after he gave her the bad news. And more generally, why are doctor's offices shrouded in so much mystery? Where do they go when they leave like that? Do they see other patients, check on their stocks, polish their stethoscopes? Does it make sense for them to keep dashing in and out of rooms? In particular, if the doctor knew she was very scared, couldn't he have gotten to it a little quicker, knowing how fear can grow like a balloon with every breath? I know everyone wants their child to be taken care of best and first, but I'd have been happier to just wait longer initially if we had to (though I wonder why we make appointments if we always have to wait after we arrive) and then get his full attention between diagnosis and treatment. I should probably ask the doctor these questions myself, but judging from his reaction to my question about whether she HAD to have stitches, he probably wouldn't like my questions.

At the risk of sounding sexist, my experience has been that female pediatricians attend to our children with more empathy and superior "bedside manor" than men. I don't know if anyone else has noticed that, but I have read there are now more women practicing pediatrics than men. Am I sexist to think that's probably good. I'm just a dad looking for a better way.

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Category: Kids activities

Iron Man attacks Michigan dad

Last week I was changing the diaper of our newborn son and had my back to my other son and daughter who were playing superheroes. Iron Man flew six feet through the air at the velocity my son would call "super fast" and collided with the back of my head. I am sure someone wishes this would have knocked some sense into me. However, to my son he was just trying to draw me into their monumental battle.

It was amazing that it hurt so much and I had to bite my lip. Turning around I realized it was one of the heaviest Iron Man action figures that made an impressive attack on my skull. It was not Iron Man, but the dreaded Iron Monger action figure that made the father assault.

I had to explain to my son that propelling toys in the air anywhere around our newborn, or anyone in the house, was not a wise choice. He took note and proceeded to have the "mother of all" superhero battles with his sister.

Learning the exact names of different toys sends the message to your kids that you listen to them. It tells them that what they say and do is important to you. Plus, this allows you to quickly jump into the battle and feel like a kid again for a hot minute. This is excellent stress relief, you really should try it. I never knew how fun it would be to battle the Incredible Hulk. Perhaps this is a sign that my wife and I need to get out more?

What parent hasn't stepped on a misplaced Hot Wheels car from time to time while in a rush? It smarts, doesn't it? This incident with my son made me realize how much I will miss this someday when they are all grown up. Being a father is the greatest gift of all. Someday I might reach the age to where the only thing falling out of the sky is not an action figure, but perhaps all of my hair and a set of dentures. Children grow up too quick, so try hard to appreciate every moment with them even if it calls for Tylenol afterward.

Category: Kids activities

Let's keep reading!

Just back from a very long family road trip out West, our family is now totally immersed in the back to school frenzy that Detroit News writer Susan Pollack helped prepare us for.

One little suggestion she made stood out to me: reading to our kids, even the ones in fifth and sixth grades. Our son just started fifth grade, and has almost finished the last book of the Harry Potter series, having begun that amazing literary trip just last spring. Since he became a willing captive of those books (and I'm thrilled, believe me), our time to read together went away. But he'll finish soon, and I want to resume our out-loud reading together.

We stopped this great ritual, mainly done right before bed, when he was in about first grade, as many families do. But I realized for a lot of reasons that that was a mistake, so we started again a little more than a year ago. I very carefully select the books to appeal to him using www.guysread.com. Books that are age-appropriate for him generally interest me also. My method has been to alternate, a chapter at a time, the out-loud reading between us. However, my son much prefers when I read and I'm thinking that it might help us get started again if I agree to do all the reading. To me, the most important thing is the shared experience, not him honing his out-loud reading skills.

I'd be curious to know if anyone else is trying this, and any tips. I'm still doing the same with our 8-year-old daughter, but that is simpler.

Category: Kids activities

Should kids' sports rule over family time?

On a back-to-school note, my 10-year-old daughter is starting practices for her travel soccer team this week. The team is run by a great group of coaches and it's been an amazing and positive experience for her. One quibble: their spring tournament will be held over Mother's Day weekend. Am I the only one who thinks this reflects poor judgment on the part of those who schedule such things? Surely another weekend could work as well, one that wouldn't interfere with a special family event. To me this smacks of letting sports (and other extracurricular activities) supplant valuable family time.

Category: Kids activities

How much electronic stuff is enough?

Men are usually more enamored with electronic gadgets and video games than women. So as dads, how do we come up with appropriate limits on things like electronic "tech toys"? In my house, our 10-year-old son and I are sparring these days because he says most of his friends have "no limits on computer time and they have cell phones!". While I know he's not exactly right (because I've talked to his friends' parents), we are struggling with different attitudes in our particular "village."

In a world where a new "must-have" gaming platform or newly empowered cell phone seems to come out almost quarterly, the intoxicating marketing takes a toll on my image of a simple and well-rounded childhood. I won't even mention the money. But unhealthy peer pressure must be resisted, by our children and by those of us who parent. Allowing video games, computers and television to consume a lot of our children's lives (or baby-sit too often for them) seems unhealthy to me.

Parents' feelings on these issues are no doubt influenced by their own upbringings, socioeconomic status, religion, ethnicity, and their own habits, among other things. Boys also seem to crave these things more than girls (nature or nurture?).

I've put together a little five-question survey I hope you will fill out and answer (click on "comment" underneath this post) . All you have to do is put numbers 1-5 followed by your answers. My own answers are at the bottom of this post. I hope all our struggles with this can be lessened by knowledge of how others deal with these challenges, if they even see them as one.

1. Minimum age when kids can have their own cell phone?
2. Daily screen time limit (computer, TV and video games combined)?
3. Need to get latest platform (PS3, Wii, etc.) within six months of release?
4. Big screen TV(s) needed/installed in your house?
5. Strongly encourage daily exercise?

My answers:
1. 13
2. 90 minutes
3. No
4. No
5. Yes

Category: Kids activities

How do you limit movies, other media?

I'm interested to learn about how other families handle placing limits on their children's exposure to movies and other media.

At our house we have a "no television" rule for our younger children (just videos from the library) but we allow our sixth-grader to watch an hour of TV with us some evenings. As for movies, we only allow PGs that we've seen or carefully researched.

This system works well for us, but I hear from other families about how it's impossible to protect their children from the "news" about murders, Paris Hilton and general cultural mayhem.

My impression is that it takes some vigilance, but it's far from impossible to make sure our children only see what we believe is appropriate for them. Any thoughts?

Category: Kids activities

Game teaches how to win rat race early

Last summer, my family visited an aunt and uncle in Maryland and we were introduced to a board game called Cashflow by Robert Kiyosaki (the guy known for the Rich Dad series).

The game is based on financial literacy through real estate, stocks and budgets; my aunt and uncle called it "Monopoly on steroids". It's more than just a board game, though. It's about learning how to get out of the rat race by earning passive income through buying real estate and businesses.

I would strongly suggest it to adults who are interested in learning about changing their mindset or lifestyle; it's well worth the time and effort. Even though it's pretty expensive from Kiyosaki's Web site, eBay may have a good price every once in a while.

My 9-year-old son has gotten addicted to it. We've purchased the PC version and he truly enjoys playing and using different strategies each time he plays so he can figure out new ways to win. He even plays the adult version because he likes the challenge. There's nothing like having a 9-year-old tell you that buying a property isn't a good idea because "there's a low ROI (return on investement) and it won't generate enough passive income for the initial down payment."

My favorite, though, was when he and I went to Farmer Jack last week. He saw the sign that the store was closing and a sign that read: "Entire Store on Sale" -- to which he asked, "Dad, can we buy this Farmer Jack? Then, we can earn enough to buy some rental properties. We'll just need to get some money for a down payment."

I guess the good thing is that he's thinking on that level, but also that he took lessons from the game and applied them to a real-world situation. In his mind, at least, owning a Farmer Jack wasn't unrealistic for our middle-class family. It'll be interesting to see what he comes up with next.