MichDads Blog

Category: Roles of fathers

Daddy-style of parenting holds essential worth

I read an intriguing article published in Reader's Digest titled "What Dads Are Made Of." The article surmises how parenting styles of dads tend to be more unconventional, framing dads as the more likely to parent outside the box.

In general, we're opposite of moms who tend to be more concerned with nurturing and creating law and order. But for all our mischief, the article points out, dads are doing something very right. The same daddy-like interactions that may annoy moms significantly contribute to a child's social skills and success in school.

"Children's social, physical and intellectual development significantly benefits from the involvement of fathers," Kyle Pruett, MD, professor of child psychiatry at Yale and author of "Fatherneed," notes in the article. The intellectual gains are measurable as early as the first year of life and continue to show up through high school, especially when dads, together with moms, are actively involved in school and learning.

The experts tend to believe fathers create this intelligence advantage, as well as many others, in three important ways: how they play, interact in everyday situations and teach.

In play, the article discussed how fathers tend to be more arousing and unpredictable with kids from the start. They rock infants more and roll around with them in floor play. Babies as young as 8 weeks old notice the difference between a mom's protectiveness and a dad's stimulation. When pediatric researcher Michael W. Yogman, MD, videotaped 2-month-olds, for example, the infants showed special signs of excitement when their fathers approached. Further "rough and tumble" play with dad has benefits in teaching a child strengths and limitations. "Kids who learn these early social skills from their fathers do better with peers," said Ross Parke, distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of "Fatherhood."

The article also discussed how "Dad as explorer and expert" helps children explore and understand their world beyond their own backyard. From our earliest moments, dads help us face the world, differing, for example, in how they tend to hold their infants out, which which provides a broader view of the sights and sounds around them. Other helpful contrasting styles include a dad asking his child for help with yard work, opening the door to informal teachable moments about biology and botany. Kids value the information and novelty, and their conversations about real things - what educators call "science process talk" - create the curiosity and problem-solving skills needed for science and math.

With regard to "Dad as unique teacher," the shortage of male teachers in preschools and elementary schools means most kids miss out on the unique competence men can share making it even more important for dads to be involved at home. Reading together is one way to do this. The books a father selects and how he reads them and talks about them strongly influence kids' language development, reading skills and general knowledge, according to Pruett.

Experts agree "daddy-style" reading makes an academic difference. The article noted that a Michigan study found that girls whose fathers read to them showed much higher verbal skills and the stakes for boys might be even higher. When a father doesn't model reading, a son may believe reading is not an activity meant for males and when boys don't read for pleasure, it's further consequential to their fluency, word recognition and knowledge base.

The article talked about the importance of encouraging time with Dad. Parke suggested that while moms might sometimes be concerned about how that will affect sleep, safety or cleanliness, they should pick their battles and remember that dads engage more with their children "when they're considered partners in parenting and not merely helpers; let a father choose the activity and he'll be much more enthusiastic."

Even when it's a "split" household, a dad's presence in his children's lives remains vital. "We have a saying: There are ex-husbands but no ex-fathers," Parke said. The studies on divorce are quite clear: Children do well when they know their father cares. For example, he can supplement physical time with telephone calls, letters or e-mails.

Parke concludes that while moms and dads are different "their distinctive styles of caretaking complement each other perfectly to the advantage of children."

I agree. Kids need the healthy involved parenting of both parents.