Category: Marriage
Posted by Robert Pedersen on Mon, May 12, 2008 at 11:25 PMMake every day Mother's Day
Make every day Mother's Day! Hallmark would certainly love for this to happen but in reality a sound marriage requires daily appreciation of your spouse. In the hustle of daily life it is quite common to become consumed with your daily challenges outside of your relationship. This especially occurs when both work full-time jobs and have the added challenge of life with children. You may appreciate your wife tremendously; however is she truly aware of your admiration and affection for her?
With soaring divorce rates split families are becoming more common and the stepmother leads an often times thankless parenting role. Stepmothers have to be the ultimate spouse, balancing the needs of their immediate family and also mediate expectations that can be demanded by their husband's ex-wife. There is also the fine balancing act of listening to the stepchildren and helping them as much as possible with the challenges they will face being in a split family. It can be the most challenging job any parent can embrace. With beads of sweat they walk a tight rope everyday with expectations coming from all directions.
Whether your spouse plays the role of mother, stepmother or both make sure you show your appreciation everyday. Even if this acknowledgment is not reciprocal, in most cases it will noticed and you just might find that it comes full circle with additional appreciation for you as a loving husband and father. Do not let a day go by without making a small effort every day to let her know just how special she is to you and your children.
I do not own Hallmark stock and certainly would not advise you to buy a card every day as this would lose meaning over time. Show your appreciation in small and large ways depending on your resources, time and personality. Be completely unpredictable in the ways you show your appreciation. Schedule a pedicure for her. Attach a single red rose to her vehicle's steering wheel with a short note of your love and appreciation. Surprise her at work, not with a delivery of roses but with a picnic basket for a brief outdoor lunch. Make a video of an important moment in your marriage. Fix the dishwasher that has led to the family hand-washing the dishes at night. Schedule a weekend alone for relaxing as often as your resources allow but don't go to the same destination each time - mix it up.
What if your wife has the added stress that typically comes along with being a stepmother? Try to truly understand how demanding this can be on your wife by researching stepparenting in general. Unless your heart is petrified this will most certainly lead to a greater appreciation of your wife. Tell her how much you appreciate the role she has in an oftentimes very complex family structure.
Here's a personal example that made me really understand how being a stepmother is sometimes a thankless job: At our daycare for my son and daughter from a prior marriage, my wife was given a Mother's Day gift to pass along to my children's mother. No recognition for stepparents? My wife came home and placed this Mother's Day gift on the counter for us to pass along to the children's mom on Mother's Day. I am very proud of how she responded and made sure this was given to my children's mother. Now we are proud parents of our own child and she plays the ultimate role of mom and stepmother.
In addition to making sure you show your daily appreciation for her challenging role of being a stepmother, you can also show her that you acknowledge this is oftentimes a true balancing act befitting of an angel. Allow her to network with other stepmothers by getting her a membership with the Second Wives Club. Show her you care by reviewing helpful advice given by the National Stepfamily Resource Center.
Whether mother, stepmother or both, you can make a difference in your marriage by letting your wife know in small ways that every day is Mother's Day.
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Mother's Day
Fight the good fight? It will never happen. To many attorney's make a living, lying to father's saying they
have right's, and when you get to F.O.C, they say the ref was wrong! We need to go to see the judge. Then thay say the judge had a bad day or he wasn't him self wait 30 days
and we will re-file. So you have paid an attorney to see the ref, then the judge. And the attorney knows ahead of time that unless the mother is on drug's you won't get JACK. It's a scam. I know atleast 50 guys that dont see there kids because the courts dont enforce order's. I remember that C-NT for a judge MARY WATERSTONE once told me they dont send mother's to jail because it's bad for the children. I guess it's not that way for father's.
The only way you can win this fight, Is in large number's. Number's that can scare someone in office come voting time. Dad group's are a dime a dozen. My friend just got coustody of his 17 year old daughter. YEAHHHHH! she got knocked up and her mother put her out. And told him she will pay the 40 bucks a month. And like a jerk he was happy because his support stopped. Not me brother's. I love my daughter with all my heart. But she will live with her mother untill the day that bitch die's. I will not be taking my kids in just because the money has stopped!!!!
Mother's Day
Thanks for the great article Robert, and all who commented.
the new fathers blog writer
How refreshing it is to read Robert's blog. I've noticed more blogs about family written by fathers lately. It makes my heart smile.
When I was a kid I only saw mothers pushing strollers. Now I see young men, without females nearby pushing strollers, walking with their toddlers, taking them to doctor appointments, going on field trips, etc. Men are now embracing fatherhood.
I know you're married Robert, but I hope you'll also write about divorced and never-married fathers. They make up a huge piece of our population, yet don't seem to have a voice.
teri stoddard
"I know you're married Robert, but I hope you'll also write about divorced and never-married fathers. They make up a huge piece of our population, yet don't seem to have a voice."
Thank you Terri for your kind words. Yes! I most certainly will give them a voice. As you know my advocacy outside of blogging includes them. Special Thanks for your comment Teri.
Mother's Day
Mother's Day is a day to recognize a mother. A day to show her that you remember who she is and what she has done for you.
I would like to share a story about my mother and how she became to be my best friend, even though she never raised me.
I was taken from my mother at a very young age. I never had the opportunity to have her guidance when I was a child and she was not the one to tuck my in at night and hear my prayers. Nor did she know that my nightly prayer was always asking God to please let me be with her.
People who have the power to take a child from a mother for nothing more then to make money from the deal are no better then a murderer and deserve to be punished in a criminal court. BUT, the same thing holds true when a child is taken from a father.
Mother's Day is a day to reflect on who your mother is and let her know that you care for her in what ever way you do. It is not a day to erase all that has happened over the years and it is not a day to give thanks for things that didn't happen. It is a day to show that you remember who she is and respect her for what ever part she played in your life.
My mother loved me very much, as did I her. However, I was told all sorts of lies about her and people expected me to believe what they told me. Being a kid, I guess to some degree I believed what I was told, but I remembered how she hugged me and I remembered how much love I felt from her on those very special occasions when I did get to see her. I also believe with all my heart that the bond we shared when I was a baby, kept her love alive in my heart.
When I was 15 I ran away from the home I was forced to live in. Within a few months my mother and I were together. I can't say it was all roses, cause I had a lot of anger about my childhood and because of so many lies, I blamed my mother for allowing me to be taken from her.
BUT, we finally got through it and for the last 12 years of her life she was my very best friend in the WHOLE world. We shared everything in my life and she did her best to guide me through the rest of my teens and into my twenties. On Feb. 17, 1983 this very special, wonderful woman who had been laying in her hospital bed for over 3 months with me by her side the whole time, laid her head on my shoulder and drew her last breath. I have never felt so alone and scared in my life. Once again I was to live my life without my mother. My arms were wrapped around her with my tears falling all over her face, the nurse put her arms around me and held the button to lay my mother's bed flat. I laid over on her as everyone of the hospital staff walked out and left me with her to say my goodbyes.
I tell you this story so you might possibly understand the love between mother and child.
BUT, now I also tell you that the love between father and child is as strong and should be allowed between children and fit & loving fathers as well.
My sons have given me 15 joys of my life. My sons are 2 bio sons and 2 stepsons. My sons as well as my stepsons share a close relationship with me and my husband, and so do their children, except for the one we are not allowed to see because her mother and stepparent don't see life the way it was meant to be.
When the time is right I will also tell you about what Father's Day means to me and should mean to you.
Thank you Robert for your views on Mother's Day and I look forward to Father's Day so I can share my views about it as well.
God Speed
Mother's Day
Mother's Day is a day to recognize a mother. A day to show her that you remember who she is and what she has done for you.
I would like to share a story about my mother and how she became to be my best friend, even though she never raised me.
I was taken from my mother at a very young age. I never had the opportunity to have her guidance when I was a child and she was not the one to tuck my in at night and hear my prayers. Nor did she know that my nightly prayer was always asking God to please let me be with her.
People who have the power to take a child from a mother for nothing more then to make money from the deal are no better then a murderer and deserve to be punished in a criminal court. BUT, the same thing holds true when a child is taken from a father.
Mother's Day is a day to reflect on who your mother is and let her know that you care for her in what ever way you do. It is not a day to erase all that has happened over the years and it is not a day to give thanks for things that didn't happen. It is a day to show that you remember who she is and respect her for what ever part she played in your life.
My mother loved me very much, as did I her. However, I was told all sorts of lies about her and people expected me to believe what they told me. Being a kid, I guess to some degree I believed what I was told, but I remembered how she hugged me and I remembered how much love I felt from her on those very special occasions when I did get to see her. I also believe with all my heart that the bond we shared when I was a baby, kept her love alive in my heart.
When I was 15 I ran away from the home I was forced to live in. Within a few months my mother and I were together. I can't say it was all roses, cause I had a lot of anger about my childhood and because of so many lies, I blamed my mother for allowing me to be taken from her.
BUT, we finally got through it and for the last 12 years of her life she was my very best friend in the WHOLE world. We shared everything in my life and she did her best to guide me through the rest of my teens and into my twenties. On Feb. 17, 1983 this very special, wonderful woman who had been laying in her hospital bed for over 3 months with me by her side the whole time, laid her head on my shoulder and drew her last breath. I have never felt so alone and scared in my life. Once again I was to live my life without my mother. My arms were wrapped around her with my tears falling all over her face, the nurse put her arms around me and held the button to lay my mother's bed flat. I laid over on her as everyone of the hospital staff walked out and left me with her to say my goodbyes.
I tell you this story so you might possibly understand the love between mother and child.
BUT, now I also tell you that the love between father and child is as strong and should be allowed between children and fit & loving fathers as well.
My sons have given me 15 joys of my life. My sons are 2 bio sons and 2 stepsons. My sons as well as my stepsons share a close relationship with me and my husband, and so do their children, except for the one we are not allowed to see because her mother and stepparent don't see life the way it was meant to be.
When the time is right I will also tell you about what Father's Day means to me and should mean to you.
Thank you Robert for your views on Mother's Day and I look forward to Father's Day so I can share my views about it as well.
God Speed
Parental Love and Respect
Robert.....
Reading your blog made me feel like I was reading a beautiful fairy tale!
How wonderful if husbands treated wives so lovingly and if wives did the same.
Children would grow up living in and seeing that family life is totally different from what it is today and our society would be so much better off.
Everyone loves fairy tales because they make you feel so warm and fuzzy! Your children are truly blessed to be living in a modern day tale.
Thank you for such a wonderful comment. This is reality for me and I thank God every single day for meeting my wife Angela. Bad things will always happen to you if you have a bad spouse. She makes me strive to be the best husband and father I can every day. She deserves this and I recognize this. Granny Sally - don't forget that there are many people who admire you and your warm heart. Thank you again for your comment. Robert Pedersen
Mother's Day
Nice blog! I don't understand rfox's comments regarding the dad's blog vs mom's blog. Without mothers, there would be no fathers and vice versa. I have been a family law reform advocate in Georgia for over 10 years and mostly those reform issues focus on "father's rights". However, my goal is to make sure that laws are balanced and not in favor of mom or dad, but the children. It's refreshing to read a balanced article, especially from someone who does understand the issues. I applaud your point of view and look forward to reading more.
Thanks for the post!
Thank you Robert for this post. On behalf of stepmother's everywhere, it is nice to know that we are appreciated and most of all, understood. While parenting is no easy task in and of itself, it's even more difficult when you're a step-parent. So again, thanks for the recognition of a job well done, we appreciate it!
Mother's Day
Dear Robert,
I want to thank you for recognizing my role as step mother. It has not been an easy road. I don't even like the word step as I feel no diffrent for my step-daughter than I do for my own children. I often have to stand by and watch as she is alienated from us. I feel for her and hurt. As a step mom your right we don't get many thanks. A good step-mom will make sure she dosen't take her mothers role because we are not really. But I can guide and love and make sure she is healthy,... physically and mentally. We are often over looked in the parenting role but there comes a day when the child remembers and says Thank You, and thats worth more than any money in the world.
Step Mother
I am happy to see someone recognize the challenges of a stepmother/mother. I know that my significant other walks a very tight line. She has two children of her own from a previous marriage. I have my two that come from a previous marriage. The tightrope is tight and gets shaken with emotional and financial isuues from all sides.
Mother's Day
The "American Family" has changed a lot over the past 40-50 years. I grew up in a very large and poor family where my father had a very stressfull job and my mother had the hard job of taking care of all 7 of us kids.
I can remember watching my mom greet my dad every evening when he got home with a kiss and the look on her face that said "thank god your home!" And the look on his face was more like "After my day at work, it sure is great to be with you again". They never had to say how much they loved one another. It showed in their everyday actions with one another. It wasn't two people looking at each other that made their marriage a success. It was two people looking in the same direction, sharing the same goals for our family and working together as a team. I never heard my mother complain about not being appreciated even though my dad was not much of a man of words, he let her know in little ways that she was special and left no doubts in her mnd about that. It is sad that today many people have forgotten what "Family" really means and run to the divorce lawyers so quickly.
Make Everyday Mother's Day
I respect Rob's prospective on how stepmothers are part of a families life and to include their struggles too that we often take for granted. I have had a stepmother and I at times I made her feel second rate but she knew i cared for her. Now I have an Aunt June that I told her a few weeks ago that I always considered her as my mother too. She ranked right up there with my mother as well as my mother ranked up with my Aunts children. She did everything for us just like our mother and stepmothers would too.
I have a suggestion for appreciation that always worked well with my exwife. Give her a scavenger hunt and point out places that she should go to and then she gets to read another destination. The destinations could be pedicure, manicure, massage, hot tub, salon, a movie, lunch, and includ family and friends. Have her meet with you at the end of the night for dinner, dancing or some form of entertainment. When you see her just before dinner her eyes will be sparkling, plus a nice glow and a smile you won't forget from being so romantic.
Make Everyday Mother's Day
You're right! Everyday is a balancing act for mothers and fathers and children to become a family-- based on love, appreciation, and respect. Families are all different, of course, but taking time for each other is a great life lesson.
An interesting perspective, respecting family would be a great model for the State to Follow
I enjoyed reading the most recent writings of Robert Pederson on the Detroit News. I found that the writing was a great example of focusing on the family. I have also found that this is rare in Michigan. Michigan's economy, families, and infrastructure are disintegrating as a direct result of Michigan's neglect toward the family.
Increasing financial subsidies for split households only encourages more of that which is rewarded. Tailoring programs and Michigan's growing bureaucracies to require parents to work together to raise children either in the same home or separate homes will do wonders for our next generation.
Respecting the family means respecting our spouses, our children, and the role of government in correcting problems instead of treating symptoms that allow for festering wounds that just get more infected. Thanks for taking the time to focus on the family Robert.
Lary Holland Host and Producer of Get Off The Bench An interactive talk show that discusses the family court.Excellent comment and how you build on what I wrote. This comment is a classic. Thanks - Robert Pedersen
Make every day Mother's Day
Reading this made so many memories run through my brain. You certainly make life fun and interesting. I agree with what you say in this article and know that you feel this should be something husband and wife work on together. It sure makes a happy home for our kids to grow up in. I could go on and on about you, but I do not want to bore anyone.
Life has been so incredibly busy! I know I tell you everyday how wonderful of a husband and father you are, but I feel you can never receive enough credit for the man you are. I am definitely one lucky woman to share a marriage with such a dedicated man. I am SO proud of you everyday. Your long lasting commitment to our family, your job, your organization, children's rights, coaching sports for our children, etc. All of it is so admirable. You are so amazing! You are so important to your family-never forget that we love you. To my wonderful husband, best friend, and soul mate-I love you.
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