MichDads Blog

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Category: Entertainment

Super Bowl commercials hit home

I am the sports fan in the house, which extends to the Super Bowl. In fact, it's generally such a non-event in our house that my wife asks me annually: "Where are you going to watch the game?"

This year was different. My son was interested! Now in the interest of full disclosure, his teacher was offering extra credit to students who answered certain questions about the game. Some of those required the students to actually watch the game rather than simply looking up the stats the next day.

So the boy wants to watch and my youngest daughter seems to want to hang out with Daddy these days so I had two extra game watchers this year! Great! Awesome! Armed with Doritos, Cheetos and bottles of Dr. Pepper and Diet Pepsi, we settled into to watch the game (my wife included).

Fortunately for Mrs. Strong, the commercials are interesting so she has something to look forward to during the broadcast. However, my kids have never really watched the Super Bowl with any real interest and I was curious to see how they would be impacted by some of the commercials. More importantly, how would I explain some of the borderline adult themes in the commercials?

I didn't have to wait long to see how my kids would handle the commercials - with humor.

One set of commercials in particular struck my daughter. In back-to-back ads, people walked around in their underwear. One ad was for CareerBuilder.com and the second ad was for Dockers. If you watched, you probably remember the commercial: scores of guys walked through fields wearing shirts, sweaters and underwear singing, "I wear no pants! I weaaarrr noooo pannnntts!"

My kids giggled and laughed and then were quiet. Sensing the moment had passed, I relaxed thinking we'd avoided a series of questions I didn't want to answer about adult men and women in their underwear.

I was wrong, dead wrong.

My daughter, who was sitting on the floor next to me, turned to me and said, "Hold my cup please." So I did. She then pushed the bowls of snacks in front of us a little farther forward, stood up, looked around, dropped her pants, marched in place and belted out "I WEAR NO PANTS!" while my son howled with delight.

My wife and I laughed as well, then ordered her to pull her jeans back up. She laughed some more and complied with our demands.

Best Super Bowl ever and it had little to do with the actual game. I hope all of you had as much fun as we did while getting a reminder that kids are paying attention to everything - even when they don't appear to be.

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Category: Role models

Friend's mentoring lives on through what he modeled

Is there ever anything one can say or write to resolve the grief we feel when we lose a loved one? I'm blessed to have worked with great people in my career who have provided me pearls of wisdom, acts of kindness and lessons of life. It equates to friendships, really, that are easy enough to celebrate but how sad that it seems to take their passing before we do so - guilty as charged.

His given name was Antonino Cavaleri, but to all who knew and loved him - and everyone loved him - he was Tony. A definition for the word "friend" is "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust;" I like that definition; it describes who Tony was to a multitude of people. We came from different worlds and aside from our work together, we had very different lives. Tony's included a loving wife with whom he shared 27 years of marriage before his recent passing. They had two wonderful children, Nick and Emily, of whom Tony couldn't have been more proud or loved with greater conviction.

It's in this way that Tony and I found our most common ground. Married or not, we were dedicated dads who love our children. Still, like most of my friends who have thankfully only known parenting in the frame work of marriage, Tony sometimes struggled to understand the challenges dads like I endure to be equally and actively involved in parenting outside of marriage. But like "a person you know well, and regard with affection and trust," Tony tried and supported, encouraged and mentored me in ways that will forever leave me changed.

I miss him. Tony had a unique brand of humor that was always well timed. He was a good therapist, but it's the manner in which Tony lived out a deep spiritual faith that he best modeled answers to life's challenges. Integrity was part of everything Tony did and he taught me that at the end of the day, it's faith and forgiveness that provide us the greatest tools for resolving wounds and moving forward with hope for peace and a brighter tomorrow, as well as an appreciation for all that is good about today.

My son will miss "Uncle Tony," but I've assured him that like other loved ones who have passed, Tony's legacies live on. He's the smile, for example, when I hear some crazy Italian accented statement or see an outlandish stunt! He's the kindness I remember whenever someone's in need, especially those who are most vulnerable. He did so much more than just preach forgiveness; Tony lived it and illustrated a love and respect for human dignity that was a bench mark for all of us.

I'm forever humbled to have had the privileged to call Tony Cavaleri my friend. I'm a better dad and a richer man for the experience.

Category: Food

Who cares what kids eat for breakfast, as long as it's healthy

By and large, breakfast time around our house is a pretty orderly affair. I'm blessed with two children who wake up in good moods, come downstairs dressed and need only 10 minutes in front of a television to wake up.

Heck! Most of the time that 10 minutes is SportsCenter!

However, getting them to eat is an entirely different matter. More precisely, getting Torrie, my 8-year-old daughter, to eat is another matter - or least getting her to eat something normal!

Until recently, my son, Brendan, was content with simple things: oatmeal, fruit and grain bars or relatively-good-for-you-type cereal. However, Torrie has never eaten anything conventional. Doesn't like cereal. Doesn't like oatmeal. Ate fruit and grain bars for about a two-week period. That period, much like the era of the dinosaur and pastel linen jackets sported by Don Johnson, is over.

After years of wrestling, pleading, cajoling and even bribing, my focus is on simply making sure there is protein in her diet to go along with a fruit or vegetable each morning (per Mrs. Strong's requirements).

This sounds simple enough, but this can mean some pretty awful sounding combinations, such as bologna and cherry tomatoes or pepperoni and carrots. Some of the stuff she'll happily chow down makes me queasy enough for me to almost dump out my morning coffee.

Almost. Let's not get crazy here: Daddy needs his go-go juice.

Early on this type of "creative" breakfast menu used to drive me crazy. Now that my son is on board with odd breakfast choices, too, I can't say that I'm too happy about any of it.

All of that said, what I've learned is that breakfast is what you make it, literally. If it meets the nutritional guidelines designed to power them through a day, there's no point in getting all up in arms about whether it's normal breakfast food or not. Plus, once in a while, Torrie throws me a bone and I get to make a pancake for her!

Besides, there's still getting them to wear snowboots to school instead of tennis shoes to fight about. Lesson learned: Let go of the little stuff in the morning; it'll only make them late for the bus.

Category: Roles of fathers

Time to learn at my expense, er, experience

It's looking like we're getting a new team of bloggin' dads populating this space. Like Matt in the slot below me, I'm also new to this blog.

I am a father of three children, two daughters aged 20 and 8, and one 10-year-old son. Like many fathers, my children are sources of endless anecdotes and lessons ranging from humorous to touching to annoying.

My goal here is to relate those experiences to all of you in a way that perhaps you take away something that makes you a better parent and you can give me and the other bloggers something back that will make us better fathers.

I'm like many of you: I help my wife keep our house on track. I make no bones about it: Mrs. Strong sets the structure for our lives. I just try to make sure I don't shred it into pieces. I'm a freelance journalist, which means I work from home. It also means I'm the one who gets the kids out the door in the morning, cleans the house (most of the time) and handles the other basics of keeping our house in order.

Again, like the other dads here, I look forward to sharing my daily experiences with all of you in the hopes that we'll all get something out of it.

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Category: Role models

Who inspires you?

Hello! My name is Matt, first-time blogger, longtime reader. I'm here because the good folks at The Detroit News felt I may be qualified to share some thoughts about being a daddy. I have two children so I suppose that's a good start. And my marketing/branding career provides ample opportunities to write and create, so that should help, too.

But what will keep me here - and keep you reading - is the passion I have for my family and for being a father. Everything I do is for those two cute kids to the right. Most of the time that means fun and games with family and friends, but sometimes it means hard work that can be frustrating and tiresome.

My hope is that this becomes less of a traditional blog and more of a conversation. You'll get plenty of my thoughts, trust me. But I'll always like to know what you're thinking. What questions does a particular post leave you pondering? Did I nail it or miss the mark in your opinion? I want your comments and questions, so I pledge to respond to all of them. Let's see if we can make the comments section longer than the actual blog post.

Let's have some fun, too. My 2-year-old son says and does some of the funniest things. I look forward to sharing some of his shenanigans and hearing about the fun times you're having with your kids.

If you haven't already, you should check out my MichDad blog-mates, Kevin O'Shea and Larry Herren, two fun fathers sharing good stories and insights. There's also a strong team of MichMom bloggers for the mommy perspective. I'm thrilled to be a part of this team.

I'll wrap up by sharing some of the dads who have influenced me most: Homer Simpson. I'm mostly kidding, but I do admire the fun he has with his kids. I had a middle school teacher who was - and still is - an important father figure in my life. A few of my closest friends are dads and we're having a blast experiencing fatherhood together. I have two older brothers who impress me to no end, as fathers and otherwise. I'm lucky to have close relationships with two fathers-in-law who in their own unique ways provide a great example. My father is as good a dad as anybody could ask for. I won't be the exact same parent as him, but for me, the definition of a good father begins and ends with him. To be honest, this list could be trimmed to one, but I feel blessed to have so many people from whom to draw inspiration.

There's a little bit about me, so tell me a little about you. Who taught you about being a dad? Who inspires you?

That's all for me until next time. Thanks for reading.

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Category: Parenting education

A decade of dads who care

It's hard to believe, but it's already time for the Annual Midwest Fathers Conference, the only event of its kind in Michigan (and one of only a few fathers conferences in the country).

This event marks an amazing milestone: the 10th Annual Midwest Fathers Conference. The day has gotten more popular every year, to the point where it outgrew previous venues. This year the conference will take place at the state-of-the-art Oakland Schools Conference Center in Waterford, near the Oakland County Complex.

Presented by the nonprofit Partnership for Dads (full disclosure: I sit on the board), the theme of this year's event is "Embracing the Challenges of Fatherhood." The keynote address will be delivered by Tom FitzPatrick, well-known therapist and fatherhood educator. Tom was the keynoter at the very first conference and has graciously agreed to appear again to mark a decade of dads who care.

The conference also boasts an amazing lineup of workshops, discussions and panels designed for fathers from all walks of life and all circumstances. Some of the first-time workshops include Stress Management for Dads, Taming Technology in Your Home, Getting to Yes By Saying No and Time Management. Don't miss this unique opportunity to meet other dads and learn more about being a great parent!

It's Jan. 30 from 8 a.m. until 3 p.m. You can register (and find more details) at the newly revamped Web site, www.partnershipfordads.org, or by calling 248-646-1445. The cost is only $29 (the same as last year) and includes breakfast and lunch. Special offer: Bring two friends and all three of you can attend for only $60.

Chris Edwards, FOX News meteorologist and one of the founders of the conference, will be talking about the event with Paul W. Smith on WJR Radio this Jan. 19 at 6:40 a.m. Be sure to listen!

I always come away from the fathers conference with a tremendous charge of energy and a renewed commitment to being a great dad for my three children. I hope to see you there!

Category: Holidays

Create holiday traditions that work for you

I love all that makes up this time of year. Still, as a parent outside of marriage I've sometimes felt out of place when bombarded with images of what is traditional. Everywhere I look I'm hit with pictures of children frolicking in the snow, big families laughing around a huge meal or couples exchanging gifts in front of the fireplace.

But what about those people who aren't included in such snapshots? What if you're single and without little ones to decorate the Christmas tree or light menorah candles? What if you're part of a growing number of divorced parents, or a blended family that has multiple traditions in the same house? The truth is lots of families today just don't fit the Norman Rockwell portrait of family. As I'm hearing from many of them, they also sometimes feel like they're on the outside looking in when it comes to celebrating traditions this time of year. That said, it's also a great opportunity to create your own traditions or unique style in how you celebrate them.

For example, my 6-year-old son believes in Santa and looks forward to us going to see the jolly old man. Some years we've gone with friends and other years we've gone alone, but it's a tradition that belongs to D.J. and me. The questions it inspires my child to ask are also entertaining and actually creates some teachable moments. This year's visit included questions about whether the North Pole was a real place and if we could go there. He also told me he wanted to visit India, Scotland and Outer Space. I don't pretend to know why, but I've assured him that all are possibilities, in time.

We've also made it a tradition to put up a Christmas tree with Granny. My mom brings such an added benefit to helping D.J. understand where he comes from. She can go back a few years more than I can and every ornament we hang seems to come with a story or memory that is significantly rooted in family Christmases that have come before.

Christmas is also a great opportunity to teach our children, and perhaps ourselves, about the traditions that various other religious affiliations practice this time of year. Most important to any Christian believer, it's the time of year we teach our children that the real reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus, another tradition I've established with my son that, thankfully, doesn't have to fit in to a traditional family framework.

What are some of the holiday traditions you've established with your children or fondly remember from your own childhood?

Category: Life lessons

Giving thanks

It's that time of year again to take inventory of what we're thankful for. The older I get the more I realize that celebrating blessings is something we ought to do every day. The following are a few that are at the forefront for me this holiday season:

I'm thankful for my family - the love and support we've shared with one another, but also for what they took time to teach me. Both by example as well as what felt like boring lectures at the time, my parents, grandparents and numerous others helped me realize early on it's relationships that sustain us. It's not "stuff" but the number of others we have in our life to share stuff with. Money, for example, can buy lifestyles but that's not the same as someone to hold when you're dying of cancer, or to love and grieve with. I appreciate the material goods I have but having people to share them with is what makes life worthwhile.

I'm thankful for my friends. I've always had good friends and continue to have friendships that are as special and meaningful as any I've ever known. Friends who will be there, regardless of the miles they might have to travel, friends who will listen and share, support and encourage and whose trust in me to do the same is something I deeply value and respect.

I'm grateful for my strengths and challenges. I know you're saying no way, why would I be thankful for challenges. Truth is, I sometimes have to remind myself to be, but I've always lived a passion to try and build on strengths and overcome adversities. At the end of the day, it's adversities that give us the opportunity to be a better man. In fact, adversities introduce a man to himself and developing qualities to resolve them builds character. I've never been a passive observer of life; I tend to live it as completely as I can. Although that has sometimes gotten me in trouble, it's mostly left me with very few regrets or "what if" questions to ponder. I'm not afraid to fail or succeed and it's that same sort of confidence I try to model for my son: to never let a fear of failure cripple your willingness to try.

I'm thankful for my faith. My life has been filled with twists and turns. I have much to be thankful for, but most of it has come at a cost. I've come to understand that it's faith in a Savior that keeps me focused and provides the kind of peace, hope and perspective required to stay steadfast in weathering storms that might otherwise influence a man, particularly one trying to be a parent in a divorce or never married dynamic, to take a different course.

Finally, I'm thankful to be my little boy's dad. My life is good and most days it makes sense, but being my son's dad is the only part that makes sense to me every day. D.J. has enriched my life and provided me a purpose and perspective unlike anything else ever has. All these things I've noted being thankful for have helped to shape who I am, but nothing has given me more pleasure, provided more opportunity for accountability or a reason to simply pause and give thanks than fatherhood.

I'm a strong man. At times I can be determined; some call it stubborn. At other times I can be impatient and like others, get caught up in trying to get things done that are not as important as we make them. But all it takes to stop me in my tracks and bring me back to what really matters is four words - "I love you daddy." I love him, too, He's the reason I write these posts and my inspiration to be the best man, son, friend and dad I can.

How about you - what are you thankful for? What do you appreciate and value? Leave a comment and let us know!

Category: Life lessons

Creating memories doesn't take money, just time

I'm forever amazed at how despite the money we spend in an effort to create lasting memories for our children, it's the actual interactions they have with us, spontaneous and free of charge, that seem to impact them the most.

I'm struck, for example, that like the summers before I spent a ton of money on vacations this past summer but at the end of the day, it wasn't the frills of a fancy hotel that D.J. remembers, it's skipping rocks with me off the hotel's shoreline and going swimming. Although the thrill rides and exhibits we visited were certainly worthwhile, there isn't any combination of rides put together that excites him as much as the two of us tobogganing down a hill together or any exhibit that can compete with everything he takes out of hiking in the woods with me and our family dog.

Whether we're fishing, riding bikes, headed out to the cider mill or pitching a tent in the backyard, these simple activities and interactions are the ones that fill our children with lifelong memories. In addition, they provide our kids a sense of confidence that they're loved and worth our time and effort.

There's also the opportunity we have to teach our children academically. Just about every piece of research being done in this area has concluded that children do better academically when both parents participate in their education. Helping with homework, reading to and with our children, visiting the library together and doing math problems all equate to a favorable outcome. In an otherwise stressful and challenging economy, it's also noteworthy to mention that all of these activities are anywhere from inexpensive to free.

What are some of the simpler ways you've created memories for your children?

Category: Dads vs. moms

Experiement shows benefits of switching roles

I've been following a series of blog entries on Slate.com by a married couple who decided to switch roles for a few weeks. He's an editor at Slate, she's an at-home mom who does freelance writing. They have two young children.

This type of stunt is always good for readership (it certainly caught my attention), but typically sheds little light on the subject of parenting roles. Nevertheless, the experiment (if it could be called that) is fascinating in part because the two participants have been so candid about their experiences and impressions.

The dad had a lot of trouble adjusting to the home world, where the only schedule is the one he chooses to impose but he must be constantly alert to the moods and needs of his children. The mom loved the orderly world of the office but found she thought less about the children than when she was away from home in her own neighborhood (they live in Brooklyn and the office is in Manhattan) because she was too far away to be of any practical help.

The dad complained that mom missed being home for dinner for several nights in a row. Mom decided it was easier to be at the office than at home. When they returned to their usual roles, both felt the experience made it possible to consider a true job switch at some point in the future.

Not exactly controlled social science, but interesting anyway because it revealed how important our roles are to our visions of ourselves. The switch also illustrated how important it is for us to try to understand the challenges faced by our spouses. Whatever jobs parents have, whether one works and the other stays at home, we're all doing our best most of the time. The rest of the time we're just tired.